Speaker 1: 0:00

Hi and welcome to our podcast, revelation Within on the Go. I am a very allergic Hyde Files member, one of your hosts and the owner and lead coach of the RevelationWithinorg ministry.

Speaker 2: 0:14

And I'm Christina Motley, your other host, also a Revelation Within coach and Heidi's partner in all things Revelation Within, and we're so happy to invite you to join us for this episode of Revelation Within have you ever been desperate? Desperate. Oh my gosh. Yes, I have been desperate.

Speaker 1: 0:42

Yes, have you ever been? Oh my gosh. Yes, I have been desperate. Yes, have you ever been? I will do anything to get out of this, just rescue me, sort of desperate yes, absolutely yes, yes, yes.

Speaker 2: 0:51

The different scenarios are going through my mind right now.

Speaker 1: 0:55

Well, it could be financial, it could be professional, it could be kids, it could be adult kids, it could be marriage Kids make us desperate.

Speaker 2: 1:04

There's no question about that.

Speaker 1: 1:05

Yes, it could be other family, it could be our home, it could be an incident, it could be just about anything. And what do I tend to do when I am feeling desperate? It's that upgrade thing again.

Speaker 2: 1:19

Yeah, you know what? The first thing that I do when I'm desperate is I start running around in my mind or physically, I start trying to fix things and put things in order and find out more information, and my thoughts just start spinning.

Speaker 1: 1:39

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:40

It's almost like crisis mode, you know. It's kind of like you get into and you're just reacting. Also, I noticed what happens with my body. I'm really tense. I can't seem to calm down. My anxiety is high and I'm just I'm spinning and running, whether it's physical or emotional.

Speaker 1: 2:01

Even thinking about what you just described makes me tense. Yeah, did you ever end up so desperate that it caused you to compromise your values or what you knew would be best somehow?

Speaker 2: 2:17

Oh, yeah, a million times.

Speaker 1: 2:22

Well, I know I've certainly been desperate before. I mean desperate, and really I have in mind a whole bunch of different examples but I'm going to go to a milder one. Although Michael might not think it's mild, I did ask his permission before I share this. So, over the past year, michael and I have grasped the truth that is looming on the horizon that retirement age is fast approaching, it's coming, and it's, of course, precipitated by the fact that Michael is a director of a program funded and sponsored by the USDA that provides food for native families, et cetera, et cetera. But the funding ends July of 2025. So the question is will he go on to another position or will this be it and we will have to be retired? I don't know.

Speaker 1: 3:23

The truth is, the work that I do and Christina does with me is largely voluntary. We don't get a salary. Once I pay the bills for the ministry that we are doing this revelation within ministry, there ain't nothing left. So, in at least for me. In the past seven months, michael and I have definitely gotten desperate and I'm going to tell you all about it. But I want you to tell me, christina, have you ever been in that kind of situation where oh well, like what, do you have plans for retirement wise? Do you have like all kinds of stuff socked away and you're, you're feeling pretty good?

Speaker 2: 4:04

about it. Well, there's this hole in the backyard. Um, well, I have to say that you know, david, my husband has done an incredible job over the years with retirement. So in in our marriage, we've always had this understanding. I do the month to month bills, I take care, do the month-to-month bills, I take care of the month-to-month stuff, you know, and I do that really well and I'm organized and we're good. But he's the one that does kind of everything that goes off beyond into the distance. He does the taxes, he does any investments, retirement, all of that. So he's the expert and he keeps me posted. And of course, the economy keeps going up and down and up and down, and so that affects everything as well, of course. But yes, he's worked hard to have a plan. Now, we're not going to be bazillionaires or anything. We're not going to be bazillionaires or anything. We're not going to be, you know, living, living in luxury. Well, we are compared to most places really in the in the world. Let's be real.

Speaker 1: 5:12

Well, and I think for us, the situation is compounded by the fact that we don't own our own home.

Speaker 2: 5:18

Yes.

Speaker 1: 5:19

With his mom and and so on. Anyway, so in about six, seven months we're going to be nearing the end of, you know, his tenure as the director of this program.

Speaker 2: 5:37

So in the last seven or so months we have tried all kinds of ways of earning extra money.

Speaker 1: 5:42

So desperate, so desperate, okay, so we tried the print on demand t-shirts, mugs, water bottles and, desperately, advertising on Facebook. We sunk tons of money into training that taught us how to do things so that we could earn money, but, as it turns out, much of what they were teaching us we wouldn't do because it felt dishonest to us. So we couldn't make our money back for what we paid for the training. Turns out it's a big part of the entire business finding inspiration from our competitors, which basically means steal their videos, steal their copy and use it and put it on Facebook as your own ad. I mean, really, it's like no, we won't do that. And we got kind of uh oh, people gave us a hard time about that. I opened an Etsy store for some products and also we had a brief flirtation with creating a junk journal business. Okay, that's over with, we're done with that.

Speaker 1: 6:50

Drop shipping, with yet more training by these dishonest people and more dishonest practices taught, more money not being made, just being spent, and more hard work. Oh my gosh, we have worked hard. It's required hours and hours and, ironically, tons and tons of money to have two Shopify stores, to pay for advertising on Facebook. I could go on and on. All of the different ad spy tools that you have so you could spy on your competitors and find out what they're saying to make people want to buy the product. On and on it goes, even while michael's been working full-time and I've been working full-time too.

Speaker 1: 7:31

We have been so blinded by our attempts to remedy this desperation we feel, yeah, that has actually been made much worse. Oh, and did I mention yet that it's put a lot of stress on us in relating to each other? Oh my gosh, yeah, all right. So most recently, this desperation and this is all going somewhere, y'all, it's all going somewhere, I promise Most recently, our desperation to get some sort of a nest egg going for our retirement turned to investing a larger amount than ever into what has turned out to be a big scam huge scam and losing a lot of money.

Speaker 1: 8:15

I just had to write it off in my head. But basically, let's just summarize the last seven months eight months maybe as pouring a King's ransom into too good to be true opportunities. You know, we're never going to be multimillionaires, even though we've been promised we would be. Many times it sounds like, but I took money out of my investment account the one that's real, run by a real man who's a really nice guy and a Christian to, and it's a settlement from my first husband. So we took a lot of money out of that to kind of fund these other endeavors.

Speaker 1: 8:55

Anyway, in spite of quoting chapter and verse about God being our provider, we have been really insecure, unsettled and, let's just say, stupid. I have heard it said that worrying about the future is imagining a future where God is not in it, which is very powerful. We prayed about all of these things too, mind you, and I think desperation kind of caused us to think. We saw God in strange places and we heard him say yes, yeah. I think the key to hearing the Lord's voice in these situations is being willing to hear him say no and then waiting on the Lord, like we said in a previous podcast, so we needed to deal with our desperation. First, I want to share a story and here's where I'm making my transition about a woman who was desperate.

Speaker 1: 9:54

Her story is found, of course, in three of the gospels and, in case you want to look them up Matthew 9, verse 20 to 22, mark 5, verse 25 to 34, and Luke 8, 43 to 48. I'm going to read a fictionalized account of this and then Christina and I are going to kind of debrief about it and hope that you find yourself kind of brought into the story a little bit. It's a fictionalized account. A lot of artistic liberty has been taken. Think of it as an episode of the Chosen, but written by someone a lot less talented than Dallas Jenkins, who was the lead writer of the Chosen episodes. Are you ready for this? Yep, ready. Okay, let's see if my allergy voice can can share a story.

Speaker 1: 10:46

This sun hung low in the sky, casting a warm golden hue over the bustling streets of Capernaum, voices mingled with the scent of spiced bread and fresh figs, but amidst the clamor, one heartbeat with an intensity that silenced the world around her. For twelve long years she'd been a prisoner of an affliction that drained her strength and her spirit. She had searched tirelessly for relief, emptying her purse on the whispers of dubious healers who promised cures yet delivered only disappointment. The priests, of course, prescribed rituals. The herbalist sold her concoctions steeped in mystery, all while her money dwindled like grains of sand slipping through her fingers. Each failed remedy deepened the weight of her despair. Each rejection echoed in the hollow spaces of her soul.

Speaker 1: 11:45

Yet today felt different. A flicker of hope ignited within her when she overheard a hushed conversation about a man named Jesus, a miracle worker known for transforming sorrow into joy and pain into hope with just a touch. As she caught snippets of their excitement, her heart quickened. He was said to be in town, moving among the crowds like a storm, gathering strength. With a determination she had long thought extinguished, she pressed forward each step, igniting a fire that pushed back against years of humiliation and shame. The throng surged like an impenetrable fortress around him. Men jostling for position, women chattering excitedly about their own needs.

Speaker 1: 12:34

But for her, each face was an obstacle to overcome. Could she dare to hope? Could she challenge the norms that dictated she must remain hidden? The sound of laughter rang in her ears. As she drew closer, it echoed like a taunt against her fragile spirit. But desperation is a fierce ally. With each stride she felt the weight of her failures shed like dry leaves in autumn. What did she have to lose? Nothing could be worse than the life she had led a life confined within walls of unworthiness and dread. Finally, there he was, jesus, a beacon of compassion amidst the throng, as he spoke with an authority that commanded reverence. She glimpsed his gentle gaze penetrating through facades, understanding pain without uttering a word. In that moment, resolve searched through her veins. She would not let fear bind her any longer. Fear of yet another disappointment, fear of the people yelling unclean once they realized her malady. But she rejected that identity. She wasn't defined by the way her body acted.

Speaker 1: 13:48

With fierce determination born from years of quiet suffering and mounting desperation. She ducked and weaved through the crowd so many were reaching to touch him. She found herself pushed to the ground in the crowd, face in the dust. There were his sandaled feet. The fringe of his prayer shawl was right before her. She reached out her trembling fingers toward him. It was an act so small yet monumental, a brush against the fabric of his clothing. But it felt electric. Time slowed as warmth radiated from where their skin almost touched. It was like touching hope itself. Wow. And then it happened A warmth flooded through her entire being, a wave crashing over every ache and pain, replacing years of torment with an unexpected rush of vitality.

Speaker 1: 14:45

The world around her faded, as if drawn away by an unseen tide. All that remained was the heartbeat echoing in her chest and the realization that she was free. Who touched me? The question sliced through the air like a thunderclap. Startled gasps filled the space as eyes darted to find this intruder among them.

Speaker 1: 15:07

In that moment, every fear threatened to drag her back into obscurity. Shame clotted her throat as people turned to gawk at this audacious woman who dared breach boundaries for healing. But then their gazes turned back toward him, the man who had called forth life from death, and something in his expression softened as he locked eyes with her I did. She breathed, crawling forward as courage rose from deep within. I touched you. Her voice wavered but did not break, and in those fleeting seconds before he spoke again, every eye upon them each filled with judgment or awe. Her heart knew truth at last. It didn't matter what others thought or how society would brand her. What mattered was this moment, a bridge forged by desperation and faith. He reached his hand for her and guided her to stand up. So she was facing him, daughter, he said, his voice wrapping around her like warm sunlight after years in shadows. Your faith has healed you.

Speaker 1: 16:18

Go in peace. She stood tall for the first time in years as tears mixed with laughter. Freedom coursed through every part of her being. She had dared to reach out when it seemed impossible, and now now she walked not just with healing but with hope, restored, stepping into life anew, beyond all expectations that once held sway over her spirit. So there are some things that I observe in the scriptures about this woman, but I wanted to ask you, Christina, because I know that you would love healing too.

Speaker 2: 16:57

Can I talk about that?

Speaker 1: 16:59

Yeah, what about this woman's story resonates for you?

Speaker 2: 17:08

I have felt that way many times, you know, when I've been at my worst with the Lyme disease. I think I've shared with you some of those times where I just feel like I'm reaching out. I feel like I'm in that desperate place. I just want to touch him, I just want to touch his cloak, I just want to reach you know, like bridge the gap to the Lord. It feels like there's, you know, this chasm between us, which that's not really true. I know he's with me all the time, but it's hard. It's really really hard knowing that he could snap his fingers, he could nod in my direction, he could take a breath and everything that I deal with physically with the Lyme disease would be gone. But what I also know is that that's not the way he gets his stuff done. He gets things done oftentimes through times of waiting, through times of suffering, through times of questioning and pain and healing and all of that, those things. That's the way that he transforms us, changes us, changes our hearts to be more like him, and it's the way he builds intimacy between us and him.

Speaker 2: 18:29

I know that he could easily wipe away any hardship, any problem, and you know those of you listening you all have something that you would love for God to just wipe away. You know, all of a sudden I'm thinking of a whiteboard. You know he's just wiping it away, it's just gone. And sometimes he does that. He does, you know, you do.

Speaker 2: 18:52

You hear stories, everyone knows somebody where something like that has been taken care of, finished, healed, wiped away, but the majority of the time he doesn't. Because he wants us to be more like him, he wants us to grow, he wants us to, you know, have faith that is increased. He wants us to go deeper with him. And that's that's hard. I still pray for healing and for things just to be easier, not just with me, but I have all kinds of people in my life who are suffering with something, whether it's physical, emotional, mental, whatever. And yeah, I would love for him just to take it away, and sometimes he does, but most of the time he doesn't. There's a plan in it, there's a purpose in it, but yeah, it's hard, it's a hard place to be.

Speaker 1: 19:51

Yeah, Thank you for sharing that. When I read this story and think of the actual account in the Gospels, I can't help but think of Malachi 4, verse 2. It says for you who fear my name, the son of righteousness shall rise, with healing in its wings. You shall go out leaping like calves from the stall. I think that she definitely in her healing she was.

Speaker 1: 21:36

I have to think that she was a whole new woman, a whole new countenance perhaps. But what is fascinating to me about this passage, malachi 4.2, is the word wings. Healing in its wings actually is connected with the word tassels and chances are in one of the accounts of the, the gospels, this woman reached for the tassels of his prayer shawl and I think that's a fascinating connection. Some people think that she was like a fulfillment of this prophecy of Malachi 4.2, that she saw the son of righteousness and that he healed her and it was through the tassels and his connected with the wings, if you will.

Speaker 1: 22:26

So I guess the word wings is also connected with the corner of a garment. But anyway, regardless of that, I think of some things about this woman that I would like to be like. She was desperate enough that her desperation after she was looking for solutions in all the wrong places and the accounts tell us that she got worse instead of better. She didn't give up, she was, she was resilient and she finally went to Jesus. I have this feeling it was as soon as she heard about him that if she'd heard about him sooner that she could have.

Speaker 1: 23:05

She would have believed him for healing. I love that she went to Jesus in her desperation and that her desperation probably took her to places that she never even imagined. She was probably in the dust reaching for that, that tassel at the bottom of his garment, of his prayer shawl, and I just think I just picture all those feet and her face being in the dirt. She just wanted him and his healing. What he offered her, I want to be that desperate for him. Yeah, not for money in my bank account that I can tap into when I'm retired, whatever.

Speaker 2: 23:49

I.

Speaker 1: 23:49

I, I really want, I want to go to him first and I want to wait on him first and foremost. Yeah, but there was another part of this story that just totally impacts me and I'm sure you know what it is, and I think it impacts you too and it's her refusal to let her physical body define her. Now, what do you think about that?

Speaker 2: 24:16

I can hardly think of anything more important for someone who's dealing with an ongoing trauma, desperate struggle of any kind whether it's emotional or physical or whatever, it's so important.

Speaker 2: 24:30

So we talk all the time about mind renewal, renewing our minds with God's thoughts. God's thoughts are no matter what's going on with my body. I am not owned by it, I am not defined by it. I am defined by him and I am chosen by him. I'm adopted by him. We talk about who we are in Christ, and it is so important. And so for her, for this woman, she understood that and she fixed her eyes on Christ instead of on herself. She was focused on him. She was determined to get to him, determined to go to him, determined to meet with him, spend that time with him, even if it was just a minute. It was that important to her, and so somehow she knew who she was in.

Speaker 2: 25:21

Christ. Maybe it was just at the very beginning of understanding that. I mean, we're all kind of at the beginning of understanding that. But to have a mindset that I am not owned by this. This is not who I am. I am God's girl first, and me, to you know, somehow try to fix everything on my own, to be a certain way, to do a certain amount or whatever. I can let go of all of that and just do what God is calling me to. There is so much peace in that. So much peace.

Speaker 1: 26:03

Yes, thanks for sharing that. Well, I love, love, love that in Matthew 9, verse 21, which is where we find Matthew's account of this situation, she said and scripture says she said to herself if I only touch his cloak, I will be healed. I mean his cloak, I will be healed. I mean she believed, she really did believe that she would be healed, if only. And I couldn't help but think of where hope comes from, and it comes from opening up the possibilities. I mean, I think about our what if?

Speaker 2: 26:45

tool what if?

Speaker 1: 26:48

I dare to reach out to the teacher in the middle of the dusty street, in the middle of all these people who would call me unclean if they were aware of what condition I suffer with. What if healing could actually happen to me? Now, and she believed for God, for all those possibilities, the possibility that life as she had known it for 12 years could radically, cataclysmically shift, I mean tectonically.

Speaker 2: 27:22

Well, and it tells me too, you know if, if she was believing that to such a depth. It tells me that she had been basically renewing her mind. This is just me thinking, but she had been. She wanted to know who is this Jesus, what does he say? What is the truth that he's sharing? And I don't know how she heard it, but somewhere she did.

Speaker 2: 27:45

She heard it and she was letting those thoughts take over her mind, because she believed that Christ was her healer and that he could do this for her, even if she just touched his cloak without him even knowing it. So somehow her mind was filled with the truth about who he was. I don't know how she got it. I mean, god found a way to do it somehow. So I love thinking about that too.

Speaker 1: 28:18

I love that. Okay, I don't know about you, but I know I have struggled in my own situation with the health crisis in 2014 that shifted my life so much. I know I have struggled with blaming God and being angry at him about it. And I look at her and she doesn't seem to have that struggle. Obviously, there's a whole lot that was going on in her world that we're not told about.

Speaker 1: 28:46

And I would love to sit down with her when I get to heaven. She didn't carry baggage against God, she was open to him and I just love that. I want to be like that, I want to, you know for me. And every now and then I get a glimpse of the beauty in the suffering and I just wish I could hang on to that a little bit more, Like, for instance, my friendship with you. Had I not had that suffering and that ongoing challenge of life as it is, my friendship with you would not have been likely to have grown the way it has. And you being my partner in the ministry, I mean God has definitely used that situation, for which I get so frustrated not being your friend, I love being your friend but the health thing to bring a huge blessing into my life when we became prayer partners. And likewise, I get so frustrated with God that your Lyme disease hasn't been healed, and yet if it had been healed, you wouldn't be working with Revelation Within full time which I just love I love it too.

Speaker 1: 30:01

It's like realizing the possibilities when we don't label God as being a big meanie in the sky waiting to squash us like a bug because things haven't gone the way we want them to. Mm-hmm, yeah, anyway, I wanted. Before we close, I want a real practical thing here with the if only, or what if?

Speaker 2: 30:20

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Speaker 1: 30:22

Let's just share together a little bit of the what if? Tool. Would you explain how it works to the people listening?

Speaker 2: 30:31

Yeah, so this is one of our favorite mind renewal tools. I think I say that a lot, but it's true. Heidi and I both love this tool.

Speaker 2: 30:40

So for most of us in our lives, we've heard what if used in a very negative way, you know what if disaster strikes? You know what if my teenager's in a car accident? You know what if this doctor's appointment goes sour, whatever it is? But this, this, is a totally different. We've basically turned that on its head. We are looking to God with great anticipation, knowing his character from his word, knowing who he is, knowing what he does for people, knowing the ways, the many, many ways that he loves us and cares for us. We are looking to him with great expectation of what he might do, knowing who he is.

Speaker 2: 31:24

You know, I was thinking about this the other day because we have these wonderful girls living with us right now and neither one has ever had really a functioning father, and so my husband, david is we're kind of stepping in as an aunt and uncle or it's kind of his mentors at this point. But what I'm realizing is the more they spend time with him, the more they trust him, because they know that he will do what he says he's going to do, and he is who he says he is. You know his character and you know his care for them and love for them. These girls are trusting him more and more. And that's how we are with God. We're going to trust him more and more the more we get to know him. And as we do that, we can ask okay, lord, I don't know the future, but I know you. So what if? And it's just a beautiful way to renew your mind and to kind of turn your mind in the direction of what might God do, knowing who he is.

Speaker 1: 32:35

I love it too, because it does it opens up all kinds of possibilities that I might have already disqualified.

Speaker 2: 32:42

You know, I might you know what if God really is enough?

Speaker 1: 32:45

Well, he says he is yeah. So what if it's true? And what if God really is enough? Well, he says he is yeah. So what if it's true? And what if I can experience that? I feel like this woman would have been an expert at the what if tool. I mean, if only I could touch his robe, I would be healed. Yeah, that's amazing. So Christina and I are gonna wrap up this episode by sharing the what if tool with you. Thank you for explaining it, for us.

Speaker 2: 33:11

Do you want to invite God in and start us off? Sure, lord Jesus, please come into this time of mind renewal. We are asking you for your thoughts. We pray that you would be blessed during this time. What if? Thank you, god in Jesus' name, amen, amen. What if God really has an answer to every one of my problems?

Speaker 1: 33:37

What if God wants to meet me in the middle of the impossible?

Speaker 2: 33:42

What if God is growing me through this huge trial and I'm going to love the outcome at the end? Oh, I like that one.

Speaker 1: 33:50

Let's camp there for a minute. What if this really is a short season?

Speaker 2: 33:59

What if God's strength really is made perfect in my weakness? I love that.

Speaker 1: 34:06

What if God really is doing a new thing?

Speaker 2: 34:10

What if I really am a new creation in Christ?

Speaker 1: 34:15

What if I really do have the Holy Spirit living in me? He says I do. What if it's true and all of the fruit of the spirit can be evident in my life?

Speaker 2: 34:25

Whoa, whoa. What if my name really is written?

Speaker 1: 34:34

on every line of God's calendar. What if God is really mindful of what I'm facing and he's right there with me in the midst of it?

Speaker 2: 34:45

Yes, what if God is really involved, and engaged in every detail of my life?

Speaker 1: 34:54

What if he really does want me to know his will and gives me the strength and the ability to act on it? Beautiful, wow, that's fun. I could do that all day. I think, yes, well, maybe I will.

Speaker 2: 35:08

Anyway, we're so glad that you've been here. This has been a little more of a serious podcast than some of our other ones. What if they like that better? Yeah, what if someone out there really needed? What if I really needed to?

Speaker 1: 35:23

hear that today.

Speaker 2: 35:24

Yes, I did, I really did. Thank you, heidi, for sharing that beautiful, really devotion story. Thank you, it was profound. We hope that you'll come back and join us for our next episode of Revelation Within On the go.

Speaker 1: 35:49

Bye, for now bye.