Speaker 1: 0:01

Hi and welcome to Revelation Within On the Go. I'm Heidi Bilesma-Epperson, one of your hosts and the owner and lead coach of the Revelation.

Speaker 2: 0:10

Within ministry and I'm Christina Motley, your other host, also a Revelation Within coach and Heidi's partner in all of Revelation Within.

Speaker 1: 0:34

On the go. Yay Well today we thought we would, you know, visit a little bit. Really, I just want to visit with Christina about some things and all things emotional.

Speaker 2: 0:47

Oh, okay, I've got my tissues ready.

Speaker 1: 0:50

Yeah, I think. I think that's something everybody can relate to. Emotions can kind of stump us or can kind of flatten us or can kind of bolster us up sometimes. So what are some examples of emotions that we?

Speaker 2: 1:04

face. Oh my goodness, there's so many. Where do I even begin? Let's begin with the happy ones Joy and elation and euphoria, and excitement and thrill.

Speaker 1: 1:23

Yes, relief, that's a good one too. I mean, I try not to call emotions good or bad, because I find that when I do that, then I want to push down the bad ones. Yeah, good point. And talking with different people, I noticed there's this tendency, when we think of something as a bad emotion, that we don't want to process it. And really processing it, no matter what it is, is good. Yeah, you are right about that, spot on. Yeah, relief is definitely one that I enjoy experiencing.

Speaker 2: 1:54

How about feeling comforted? I mean, I think that's a big one.

Speaker 1: 1:58

Contentment yeah, definitely.

Speaker 2: 2:01

Feeling peaceful, feeling like you know, kind of at rest, hopeful, and then there's sorrow, and then there's disappointment, grief, anger and what about when we feel multiple emotions at once, some of which seem like they are not on the same wavelength.

Speaker 1: 2:20

Like I can feel fearful and excited at the same time, like I don't know before an event or something Like when we were going to the women's retreat at my church a couple of weeks ago. I was excited. You were there with me. What's not to be excited about? But I was also like. I'm not sure I want to go to this. I want to just be with you. True confessions, but I could feel both of those at once.

Speaker 2: 2:47

Yes, no, no, you're right, I remember this so well. I felt this kind of I was feeling bad about feeling different things. This was when I had my third baby and I remember just feeling totally and completely overwhelmed and I thought I shouldn't feel this way. I just had a beautiful, bouncing baby girl and she was my third. And a dear friend of mine said to me Christina, it's absolutely normal and absolutely okay to feel many, many things at once in this life it's totally fine and that kind of freed me up.

Speaker 2: 3:29

I remember just feeling relief from that because I thought I shouldn't feel this way. And maybe you said that to yourself. I shouldn't feel this way, and that's not helpful at all.

Speaker 1: 3:42

No, and I don't think that's a godly perspective either. God gave us our emotions for all kinds of reasons, and I think they are intended to be felt and welcomed. The trick is when we allow them to control us and push us in certain directions. So let's talk about some of those less than I don't know godly ways that we might respond to our emotions.

Speaker 1: 4:07

I know one that comes up for me I'm not going to give any details just yet where I get frustrated or even angry, then I want to sneak. It's like I can do it. I want to and I can get you back. It's very passive, aggressive or whatever that phrase is, I think, but that's one of the ways that God does not want me to respond to emotions of feeling frustrated or angry or something like that. What about you? Can you think of any examples of dysfunctional ways or ungodly ways of handling my emotions, your emotions?

Speaker 2: 4:44

Yeah, well, I've mentioned this before in the podcast, but this is what I used to do, and it was pretty much every single time. There wasn't a whole lot of variety in my dealing with emotions. For like decades, the first thing I did was I went to food.

Speaker 2: 5:01

Me too, and then, with the food in hand, I went to the phone and called a girlfriend. And I love my girlfriends, I love them so much. I mean there's nothing wrong with that at all, except that I was completely leaving God out of the equation. And I know so many people that have come to us at Revelation Within and we bring up this topic of emotions and they just kind of get this like deer in the headlights look and they're like I've never. Is there a way to deal with emotions in a healthy way? I've never done it. I don't see it in my friends and my family. Is there a way?

Speaker 1: 5:44

Absolutely, definitely. So. Other ways that I have dealt with emotions that I didn't want to face into are to shut down completely. It's like I don't want to feel, so I'm going to numb out and that's where I might play a video arcade game. I might turn on a show and binge watch it. It may or may not be accompanied with food Usually it is or glasses of wine I'll be honest, of wine and I don't want to feel. There are times when I don't want to feel and in the past I've responded to not wanting. You know this general sense of I don't want to be present to my own life. Emotionally, I've responded to it by sports, athletics, going to the gym, being on tennis teams. I was on what was it? Eight tennis teams at once at one point. Wow, yeah, that's amazing.

Speaker 2: 6:42

I know.

Speaker 1: 6:42

It was when my marriage was kind of falling apart. Who wants to be present to that? I'll come up with a plan and maybe it'll all be better, yeah.

Speaker 2: 6:53

Well and I know that this is a big one for a lot of people just isolating oh yeah, you stop going anywhere, you just stay at home. It's like, well, I had these plans or I had this event. No, no, I'm not going, you just stay at home. It's like, well, I had these plans or I had this event. No, no, I'm not going. You just kind of pull way back. I do that with overwhelm. Oh yeah, me too Is overwhelm an emotion? I think it is because it brings with it all kinds of melting down.

Speaker 2: 7:22

I mean, over the years I've kind of been one of those pleaser people, people, people people Really. Yeah, I know that surprises you, Heidi Me too, me too. Wow, when I first met you, it was in full force. I'm better about it, but I still struggle with it. Anyway, I would say yes to a million things, and then one more, and then I would get so overwhelmed I would back out of all of it.

Speaker 1: 7:51

Yeah, I wish I could have the person listening raise their hand if they could identify with that Cause I bet everybody can identify with doing that.

Speaker 2: 8:00

Well, and then when you mentioned the movies and shows, that's a big one for me or scrolling.

Speaker 2: 8:05

I mean yeah, yeah, oh my gosh, the scrolling thing. Yeah, I've had to just stop all of that because it was just getting worse and worse. I'm like, but I have to see the next video with this cute little dog. And then there's the wedding bloopers and I don't know why I like those so much. Anyway, but you're right, it's like this checking out thing and actually I mean I remember, you know, way back before the internet, before the phones, before Netflix, I was doing the same thing with five channels on the TV. Oh, wow, wow.

Speaker 1: 8:44

Right, we called it channel surfing. And.

Speaker 2: 8:47

I just kept going back and forth. Nothing was on. I didn't like any of it, but it's that numbing out. It's like I don't want to feel. I'm just kind of turning myself off for a while. Yes.

Speaker 1: 9:00

I've even done it with ministry work. I have done it with ministry work. I hate to admit that. I mean talk about being in your flesh. It's like I don't want to feel so. I'll work more, I'll find something else to do. I have done it with church event attendance. I mean I, I, yes, yeah.

Speaker 2: 9:19

It doesn't really matter what it is, it's just you're trying to have some relief and some escape is. It's just you're trying to have some relief and some escape, right, I mean, that's what I feel like. It's like, just give me relief. What can I do to get relief? And we just, yeah, we don't realize that there is a way to handle emotions that is so healthy and so good and so peace giving, and that emotions are from God.

Speaker 2: 9:46

He made us that way Right. There's a reason. We're not supposed to push them all under the rug. And then you walk in the room and there's this big bump under the rug.

Speaker 1: 9:58

The elephant in the living room.

Speaker 2: 10:01

Yeah, we are emotional human beings and that's the way we were created.

Speaker 1: 11:18

Yes, and in fact there's a lot of stuff that goes on in our bodies. Physiologically that kind of indicates that the neurotransmitters that course through our bodies, like epinephrine and like cortisol. You know, when I'm stressed out which feels like an emotion to me, my body will put out cortisol, which is supposed to help me be, you know, more effective at getting out of whatever it is that's stressing me out in a way, yeah, and that's when that, like that zing goes through your body where it's like you like you'd get.

Speaker 2: 11:50

Yesterday my neighbor called me and said I need to go to the ER immediately. Okay, I got the zing.

Speaker 1: 11:58

I bet you did go to the ER immediately. Okay, I got the zing, my body was like whoa.

Speaker 2: 12:03

My body reacted to that and I was able to go and take her. But yeah, there's a reason for that.

Speaker 1: 12:09

God created our bodies in a very special specific way, and dopamine's in there too, to help us to feel good, to feel relaxed, which may or may not be an emotion. I know for me, relaxed brings emotion with it. You know what I tend to prefer, that kind of emotion, you know. So it's clear our bodies and our minds and our lives were intended by God to bring emotion. We can look at the scriptures and see emotion. Everywhere we see emotion. Yes, the Psalms, definitely a place where we can see emotion. The Psalmists speak of emotion all the time. In fact, if a person listening, or me or you, if we're struggling in some way with feeling, willingly feeling our emotions, it might be good to dive into a Psalm or two and see what we can find there regarding how do the Psalmists process their emotions. And I mean I think of Psalm 88, where clearly the Psalmist was woe is me. I mean, you know the Christian Eeyore. It's kind of that's the profile. It's like thanks for noticing it may be sunny now, but it's gonna rain soon.

Speaker 1: 13:28

Yeah, exactly yeah he ends with darkness is my closest friend.

Speaker 2: 13:33

That's pretty sad, no, but you, we've both felt that way, heidi, you know we reached out to each other where we're like, okay, it's you. And darkness. Those are my friends. I mean, life is so hard sometimes.

Speaker 2: 13:50

The other place that I love to look in the word for emotions is in the New Testament, when Jesus is interacting with people. And it's not all spelled out for you, you know, it's not all, you don't have every detail, but I like to imagine the story Heidi was. I was just at this retreat with Heidi and she shared the story of the woman who had the issue of blood and was reaching to touch Jesus's clothes or whatever it was, the prayer shawl. And, heidi, you wrote this beautiful story and you filled in the emotions and that was so meaningful for me, it was so powerful for everybody there. Really, I like to imagine those stories between Jesus and his disciples, between Jesus and people that he only met once, and just what was that emotion like? There were so many emotions going on. I mean, I imagine meeting Jesus like that and suddenly knowing who he was and knowing that he gets me and knows me, you know, like the woman at the well, just all those interactions, and it's definitely emotional.

Speaker 1: 15:06

Yeah Well, and here's the thing I think, in order to really be in a place, a frame of mind, where I can process emotions the way I want to and the way I think God wants me to emotions the way I want to and the way I think God wants me to, I need to not categorize emotions into good emotions or bad emotions and I need to not say should or shouldn't about my emotions.

Speaker 1: 15:30

In other words, I shouldn't feel this way. That is, I think, it's actually from the pit, because we can't really decide how we will feel. We respond with feelings. Now we can work on programming ourselves to respond to things that face us one way or another and we can learn how to bring our emotions to God and we're going to talk about that in just a moment, talk about that in just a moment. But the shoulds and shouldn'ts and good and bad emotions doing that, I think, has been more destructive for me over the years than it has been helpful, because God gave me whatever it is. I'm feeling for a reason. Sometimes it's to tell me I'm not safe emotionally, spiritually or physically, and I want to respect that.

Speaker 1: 16:18

I want to bring it to him, of course, but I don't think it's, generally speaking, helpful to categorize my emotions and then to treat them differently. Because of that, I have one person in my life who refers to negative emotions. I just don't think that's the way God thinks of it.

Speaker 2: 16:37

Yeah, no, you're right. I totally agree with you. You're absolutely right.

Speaker 1: 16:41

I mean I know there's emotions I want to feel and there's emotions I don't want to feel. But God gave them all to us and he has created us good. His creation is good and emotions are part of that.

Speaker 1: 16:54

So, with all of that in mind, and so much more, that we could say, what are some of the ways we can think about? Let's say, something hits us, knocks us off our feet and we have a strong emotion, the moment with our emotions, and not run to food or not shut down or not scroll, or not go shopping or not. You know all those things that we may have preferred to do instead of be present to our emotion. What are ways that we can do what God calls us to when an emotion faces us or slams us or something?

Speaker 2: 17:37

Yeah, I think I have a few top go-tos. The first one is just so simple Just go to God as soon as you can Go to him and just Lord. What just happened, what's going on? I'm feeling so unsettled all of a sudden I'm anxious. Oh, I'm so sad after watching that show it. That show it like it triggered something in me or you know, my feelings are really hurt or whatever it is. And it can be very quick. It doesn't have to be a big long thing, but just that connecting with my Lord, my savior, my best friend, connecting with him, starts bringing me down kind of off the cliff, so to speak. And maybe I don't have time for more than two minutes. That's okay. It's a step in a direction of basically inviting God into whatever you're dealing with. So I'm realizing I'm not alone. I am not alone. And then the other one that I'll share real quick is everything that's important is still in place.

Speaker 1: 18:43

That's a mind renewal tool that we teach at Revelation Within yeah.

Speaker 2: 18:47

Yeah, and it's just, it's so good in the moment, Like you said. For example, here's an example A few weeks ago there was a car accident in front of me not super close, but I know that if I had been driving, even if the timing of my driving was five minutes different, it might have been me and I passed by it and there was a response. There was an emotional response in me because I've been involved in some pretty bad car accidents not for many years, but I have and it brings me back and those emotions come up right away. And so in the moment, I can say to myself wow, I'm going to pray for those people, for sure, but I'm okay, this is not what's happening to me in this moment.

Speaker 2: 19:38

Of course, even if it was this mind renewal tool works, Even if it was me that had crashed, I can say you know what? God is still God, God is on his throne. God loves me. God's watching over me, caring for me, protecting me, working all things out for his good. That part is certain. And then the other one is who am I in Christ? I'm God's girl, I belong to him. I'm chosen. My future is settled in his hands. Everything that's important is still in place.

Speaker 1: 20:11

And.

Speaker 2: 20:12

I'm thinking, oh, a huge bill comes in the mail, that's another great time to use that tool. Or you get bad news about a friend's doctor's appointment and you're just like oh my gosh, I can't handle this, and it's like everything that's important is really still in place. And what's important, of course, is eternal Right.

Speaker 1: 20:36

It's who is God, who am I, and those things aren't going to change. I mean, he has determined both of those. He's able to do what he can do. He's still on the throne. Oh, I'm with you there. It's interesting to me too, because when something like a car accident or something else that causes an instantaneous sort of physiological response happens, you know, we know that there are neurotransmitters going through our bodies I think those cause certain emotions and agitation comes up to me sometimes. That, I know, is it feels chemical. I tell you what it feels chemical. And it's like what do I do with this? And that's the question is Lord, what do I do with this? You're still God, I am still yours. And that's the question is Lord, what do I do with this? You're still God, I am still yours and I can turn to you. And it's not that we're denying whatever emotion is no, not at all, not at all.

Speaker 1: 21:29

Right, and I know some people have wondered that it's like well, aren't you just suppressing the emotion and starting to say all these nice things about God. You know that God you are and all of the mind renewal tools we share to help with our emotional state of mind, no it. What it does for me anyway is and I love reminding myself when I am faced with an emotion that is hard for me I like reminding myself of who God is. And then what that does is is it puts into context whatever challenge I'm facing, whatever bit of bad news I'm facing. It puts it into the context of who God is.

Speaker 1: 22:08

I was reading and studying Lisa Turkhurst's latest book I Want to Trust you, but I Don't, and she said it's like she took Mind Renewal 101 or Mind Mastery Blueprint with us because she said the way a person thinks about God is going to drastically impact how they respond to the things they face, unexpectedly or otherwise. And that is so true for me and thank you, lisa. That's a great thing to say and it totally agrees with what we teach is I want to work on what do I think about God, even when I'm not in the midst of the emotion. I can work on that. I can work on reminding myself of his goodness displayed in this way and in this way I could list them and I could remind myself of that list and other mind renewal tools. If I use them when I'm not in the middle of emotions, then I'm more likely to have those as my default thoughts when I am in the midst of an unexpected circumstance that results in emotions that are hard for me.

Speaker 2: 23:11

Well, I think one of the things that's so hard for me in those moments when I get slammed by an emotion is my thoughts are not life-giving.

Speaker 2: 23:25

You know what I mean I start thinking a lot of lies, I start thinking things that aren't true necessarily, and so my own insights, my own wisdom at that point is like nil, it's like going backwards, and so I don't want to depend on those, because they're going to lead me in a direction of more anxiety, more fear. And so when I'm thinking God's thoughts, when I'm thinking about him and who he is and what he does, that shifts my focus off of myself onto him and shifts the burden off of myself onto him. It actually lightens my load. It actually brings life, calms me down, brings me peace, brings refreshment, rather than the other way around, where I can get more and more and more wound up and more and more upset and

Speaker 2: 24:22

more and more scared, rather than that, going to God and saying I have one of my truth lists I call an SOS list, and it's just simple statements about who God is and what he does. It's just, that's all it is. It's very simple. But I can go down that list and I notice that my heart rate is going down. I notice that my breathing is coming down. I notice that I'm just feeling more level headed in the moment, Like I can kind of think again. So those kinds of mind renewal tools, I mean those are amazing. Maybe you want to talk a little bit about what is true.

Speaker 1: 25:02

Oh, definitely. What is true is a tool I use in the moment, all the time, and I want to encourage anybody who's listening if you haven't tried this yet, do. When I receive news that is hard for me to swallow and there's an emotional reaction when somebody gets kind of sideways with me and the way they're talking to me which happens when you're living with certain relatives it helps me so much. Or, like I've used this tool when I was going through a very unwanted divorce after 33 years, anything it can be used for you know, I don't want to eat brownies when I'm not hungry to going through a divorce and surviving it, and without throttling anybody or driving my car off. So what is true? So I turn it into a prayer, sometimes as I'm driving down the road or getting in the shower, so it's in the context of an emotion. It's not denying the emotion. But, lord, you know, even though I'm feeling this way, what is true and he then lays on my heart things he wants me to remember.

Speaker 1: 26:07

You know, what is true is that you are here with me in this. You are not a passive observer, lord. What is true is that you have allowed this to come into my life for your good purposes. You are still good and you will provide wisdom that I need in this moment. You will give me wisdom and insight to be able to walk through it. You will also provide everything I need for life and godliness You've promised. So it's true. What else is true is I will at some point soon be looking at this news or this day or this challenge in my rear view mirror instead of in my face, so that's kind of the way that works for me, and boy it helps. It's not saying I don't feel those things or those things aren't happening. It's not sanctified denial of some kind. It is absolutely being present to the challenge, but recognizing that it's in the context of a good, sovereign, powerful, loving God. I mean, really that makes all the difference in the world. It does?

Speaker 2: 27:12

I love what you just said. Yeah, do you have one you want to share real quick? Yeah, okay, so here's a different scenario. So we've been talking about, like, I just got the news and this happened and in the moment, but what about an ongoing challenge?

Speaker 1: 27:28

I don't want any of those.

Speaker 2: 27:31

I know, I know I would love to say let's just wipe those out, we don't need to have those anymore. But we all have something or have had something or are going into something that is long term. You know, maybe it's your own health, maybe it's, you know, a relationship that's been falling apart for a long time. You know it could be. Maybe you're unemployed and you've been struggling to find work for months, or I mean it could be a million different things financial stress, you know, anything that is ongoing. And so, for me, one of the things that helps me so, so much, I'm going to just use my own health right now, because that's something that is top of my list on my mind and causing all kinds of emotions right now, and you may get to experience them with her. Yeah, I'm experiencing right this moment actually. So one of the things that helps me almost more than anything else is gratitude.

Speaker 1: 28:33

Yeah, me too.

Speaker 2: 28:35

And we've talked about this many times but when I am dealing with something that is long-term, when I am dealing with something that is long-term, it's not going away. It's going to be with me for a while it seems like more than 10 years and I know that many of you can relate to this Gratitude.

Speaker 1: 28:57

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 28:58

Why Am I stuffing those feelings? No, I'm sharing them with the Lord. We're talking about them here and there, but I can't talk about it all the time. I would just be upset. All the time I have a life to live, I have things to do. God has called me to things.

Speaker 2: 29:14

And so I need to be able to move forward as I can, as I'm called to. So gratitude, and we have a couple of tools that I think are just favorite tools for this. One of them is Lord, I love and the other one is what is good.

Speaker 2: 29:30

So, Lord, I love is very simple and it doesn't have to go deep at all. It can, but it doesn't have to. When I'm struggling with the way my body feels, that's probably not when I'm going to go deep with the Lord. That's probably when I'm going to say Lord, I love that the squirrels are chasing each other around the trees in front of my porch. That's where I'm going to go. I'm just going to go, Lord, I love the brilliant, brilliant yellow that the trees are today and the way that they shimmer in the wind. Lord, I love that you're with me constantly.

Speaker 2: 30:12

Lord I love that I got to make a beaded necklace with my daughter and her friends last night and it's so pretty, lord, I love that I'm still here, lord, I love that I'm able to do what I can do. Lord, I love the taste of this tea in this cup this morning. It feels so cozy and warm, and that will very quickly get my focus off of myself and onto the Lord in thanksgiving, which is exactly what he told us to do. All over the word, all over the word Give thanks, give thanks, give thanks with all things and thanksgiving, give thanks. He says it all over the place. Yes, he does. The other one is what is good, and so I can use this again and again, and it's basically a way to invite God to show me where is it good, where is your goodness?

Speaker 2: 31:09

Where are your hands, your fingerprints on my life, and so you know it is good that I'm able to do this. Or it is good that you know I was able to sit with my daughter's friend yesterday and listen to her story. It is good that I was able to sit with my daughter's friend yesterday and listen to her story. It is good that I was able to go hug my neighbor. It is good that I have such an excellent doctor who is brilliant and has taken me so far in treatment.

Speaker 1: 31:34

What is?

Speaker 2: 31:35

good is that every day is different. I can count on there being changes. What is good is that I have an amazing prayer partner who prays me through each day, and that would be Heidi. Anyway, I can do that Even if I say three. What is good? Even one. It brings me to a place of gratitude and thankfulness and it changes my journey. It takes me out of that place of oh, I can't do another minute.

Speaker 1: 32:08

Right, we are so prone in those emotional moments, especially when they're hard emotions, to say things to ourselves, to think on things that aren't true, but we start to believe them because we're telling them to ourselves, like I can't do this, this is too much for me. Okay, we tell ourselves that then we're going to believe it and then we're going to act on it. That's, you know, a foundational teaching at Revelation. Within is, what we think on is going to drive our beliefs and what we believe is going to drive our actions. And you can throw in a few other things like emotions in there, and it really gets loose. And you can throw in a few other things like emotions in there, and it really gets. And so when I'm in the midst of an emotion is a great time to speak truth to myself, because I know, if I don't, if I don't put a corral around my thoughts in those moments, those thoughts are going to take me captive. I want to take them captive, like second corinthians 10 says. You know, we take captive our thoughts and we surrender them to obedience to Christ rather than let them kind of make up the narrative. No, this is the thing my emotions are a gift from God that's one of the things I want to keep in mind is, god gave us feelings, yes, but feelings aren't reliable indicators of what is true, and so I want to get in the habit of kind of interrogating my feelings sometimes. I mean, obviously in the moment I'm not going to want to do that.

Speaker 1: 33:31

I can renew my mind, I can use those tools that Christina and I have been sharing, and then maybe it's a more apt time for me to say, okay, what am I feeling and how is that affecting the way I'm defining this moment? What am I making it all mean? And really ask God to show me how to allow what is true about him to inform my feelings a little bit, rather than the other way around. I'm not talking about denying my feelings. I'm talking about, you know, instructing them a little bit. You know it's like, okay, in light of eternity, you know where does this leave me? You know, really, I've got a wonderful future. Really, what is true is God is holy and good and just and loving and, against the backdrop of the cross of Christ, this is a blip, and he cares about the blip, especially given how much attention and effort I put into it.

Speaker 2: 34:32

I don't want at all to discount the value of friends, pastors, mentors, neighbors, pastors, mentors, neighbors, people in your family that love you. It is so, so important that we talk to people, share with people, share our feelings, all of that it is. I don't want to discount that at all, but I will just say that going to the Lord first is the best it's amazing Running to the throne instead of to the phone. Yes, and so running to the Lord first and then, please, please, do go get help, don't be isolated.

Speaker 2: 35:14

That is so, so important. So I just wanted to say that, so that you don't think we're thinking okay, you have your emotions and go in a room by yourself. Soldier on no, no, no. We need each other, we need community. Come and visit our community.

Speaker 1: 35:31

Yes, Visit our community at RevWithinteam. We would love to have you share what's going on and we will pray and encourage you.

Speaker 2: 35:39

Oh, we have such an amazing community. We'd love to see you there and we'd love to see you at our next podcast. Yes, as well here at Revelation Within.

Speaker 1: 35:56

On the go.