Speaker 1: 0:02

Hi, welcome to our podcast Revelation Within On the Go. I'm Heidi Biles-Mapperson, one of your hosts and the owner and lead coach of the RevelationWithinorg ministry.

Speaker 2: 0:14

And I'm Kristina Motley, your other host, also a Revelation Within coach and Heidi's partner in all things Revelation Within. We are so happy to invite you to join us for this episode of Revelation Within On the go.

Speaker 1: 0:34

Hang on a minute, I gotta go. Come back, come back to us, I'm here, I'm here, I'm here, yeah, well, so this week we had our second meeting with our five month long coaching group, ladies, and it's a coaching group that focuses on the challenges of secretive eating. So that's on my mind right now. Yes, I thought we might want to talk about that a little bit, and hopefully the listeners can well. I don't really want to say I hope they can identify, because I hope nobody can identify with this.

Speaker 1: 1:10

But, christina, what do you think of when you think of secret eating or eating in secret?

Speaker 2: 1:16

Well, the first thing that I think of is I don't want to talk about this. It's supposed to be a secret. Yeah, it's a secret. I mean, secrets bring up shame, secrets are embarrassing, secrets are things that are hard to talk about. So my first reaction when you said let's talk about this is no, I don't want to. But of course, of course I will, and of course I know and we've talked about before how important it is to bring things out into the light with the Lord, and that's where the healing is. So of course we want to talk about secrets, but my first response was no, no, you know it's funny.

Speaker 1: 2:04

I have this image in my mind. If you were to do like associative stuff, like okay, heidi, what do you think of when you hear the word this? Or you know, we've had a little fun with that secret of eating instantly brings in an image for me of it's dark and it's quiet and probably nobody's around, but it's definitely dark.

Speaker 2: 2:27

Okay, well, I'm going to tell you the image that came into my mind. The first image was me as a teenager sitting on my couch in my parents' home watching a show after school, after school, and having chocolate under a pillow, and lifting up that pillow and realizing that it has melted into the couch. And this was. My parents were into Danish modern furniture. They were into what they call mid-century modern. Now Our whole house looked like that, and so the couch was like this yellow tweed. I was going to say I remember the tweed.

Speaker 1: 3:18

Yes, it was one of those tweeds. The chocolate melted gets in between.

Speaker 2: 3:20

Yes, oh I was mortified because that was my thing. I would hide things next to me, food under the pillows, and it was usually chocolate and I don't know. You know, for whatever reason, this one day it melted into the little tweed of the couch and I was just like, oh my gosh, like how do I even clean this? How do you even begin? And will it even come out? And I was. I was embarrassed, I was ashamed, I was just totally mortified. And then I have another one that came to mind that these are the two biggest ones.

Speaker 2: 3:59

When you know, I hear the word secretive eating, secret eating. The second one I'm younger and I am looking around to make sure nobody's there and I am climbing up on the counter in our kitchen. I can imagine it's like it was yesterday. I can imagine how it feels to get my knee up there and climb up open the cabinet and at the top of the cabinet is a colorful, beautiful actually. I have the box now. It has tea in it now, a box with beautiful flowers, this colorful tin box with chocolate in it, and it was like a secret chocolate box and that's how it was presented to me. That's how chocolate and you know, sweets were presented to me that they should be hidden, that they should be hard to reach, that they're special in a certain way, that you know I should sneak those. I mean that's, you know, that's what I did, I did all the time. Yeah, that's amazing. Yeah, those are. Those are the biggest two that come to mind immediately when I think of, you know, my childhood, my teenager, hood, um, with secret eating.

Speaker 1: 5:17

Yeah, and for me there's. It manifests in a whole bunch of different ways, and so these thoughts kind of come filtering through my mind. Of course, nobody's around either. If they are around, then I make sure that I'm not seen, even if it means going into the bathroom. Yes, oh yeah.

Speaker 1: 5:37

Another way I would eat in secret, if you would, is when I was out in the car driving around, I'd go to the drive-thrus and I always made sure I cleaned out the wrappers before I, in the car driving around, I'd go to the drive-thrus and I always made sure I cleaned out the wrappers before I brought the car home. The trick is, if it smells like French fries in there, it smells like French fries. Have you ever and I know you probably haven't done this has anybody who's listening ever done this where you buy that freshly baked French bread from the bakery at the grocery store and you can't just eat half a loaf before everybody gets home? Or before you get home you got to eat a whole loaf and so you buy two loaves because you don't want them to see how much you've eaten of the loaf if you only buy one. Have you ever done that where you've eaten a whole bunch of French bread in secret?

Speaker 2: 6:24

Well, yes, but this is kind of funny when you mentioned French bread, and then I want to go back to the French fries. So, the French bread this is what I did when the kids were little.

Speaker 1: 6:34

Are we triggering our listeners?

Speaker 2: 6:36

We're definitely triggering each other. No, I'm just kidding. When the kids were little, when I had three little ones in the back seat and I wanted to I don't know get away, do my own thing, you know, have relief in some way, have a break, I would take them to the grocery store and we would get bread like that and cheese and you know other things that you could just eat with your fingers, with your hands, and then I would give them and myself big chunks of this bread in their little car seats, and I would just take a drive and they were eating and I put music on and it was like my little lovely I know, right, um, we'll do it when I come visit. No, okay, I have to go back to the french fries, though, because we won't talk about food anymore, okay.

Speaker 2: 7:32

Well, and so the french fries. This was a big one, because I remember this again like it was yesterday. When I got my driver's license, I didn't have my own car, I drove my parents' car. It was an old Chevy Citation and I knew right away where I wanted to go. My first drive, all by myself, was to get French fries, mcdonald's, mcdonald's, and to be able to have to do it all in secret. There was nobody tracking me back then.

Speaker 2: 8:08

Now our family like tracks each other. Mostly for my youngest daughter there was nothing like that. So if you were out driving, nobody really knew where you were, and I loved that idea that I could just go anywhere, anytime, anywhere, and get food, get what I wanted and, yes, I got rid of the wrappers before I got home. Same thing open all the windows.

Speaker 1: 8:33

Open all the windows. Let it air out.

Speaker 2: 8:35

Well, Southern California, that's easy to do, you know. Open the windows. It was warm most of the time here. We're going to go down to minus 13 this weekend, so that wouldn't work as well here in Colorado.

Speaker 1: 8:48

So secret eating has for me also manifest in my eating fast.

Speaker 1: 8:54

I've developed the habit over the years of eating fast and I realized as we started this coaching group this was the first time it really came up for me was that my eating fast is a symptom of me not wanting to be seen eating. Yeah, even if I'm hungry or even if I'm sitting down with people, I eat fast. I don't want to be seen eating. It's just the strangest thing. After everyone has gone to bed is another time when I have eaten, in quote, secret. But you know, here's the thing. One of the things is that it's rare that it's as secretive as we think.

Speaker 1: 9:33

You know, oftentimes people know.

Speaker 2: 9:35

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 9:36

We think, just because everybody's in bed, that they don't notice that. You know, half the brownie pan is missing, right? You know half the brownie pan is missing, right. And then if I was left home unexpectedly and nobody was here, oh my gosh, what can I eat? You know, it's almost like it was a trigger for me. Why do we do it? What is going on here? We're going to look at God's word for a little while to talk about that.

Speaker 2: 10:00

Well, heidi, and you say that it's strange, but honestly I don't think it's that unusual. I think that a lot of us have struggled with this over the years, with all of the stuff going on you know, in our culture, with dieting mentality We've all been, many of us have been restricted for so long and there's really there's a lot of shame around eating that causes us to want to do it in secret, which is really really sad, and you know we want to get away from that for sure.

Speaker 1: 10:30

Right. So let's look at is this something that is outside of God's best for us? I think we have a feeling for that answer already but, let's look at God's word to see what it says about doing things secretly or thinking that we're doing things secretly.

Speaker 2: 10:45

Okay, so Luke 8, 17,. For nothing is hidden that will not be made manifest, nor is anything secret that will not be known and come to light.

Speaker 1: 10:57

This is where I wonder if it's going to be like a big drive-in movie theater screen displayed across the sky for the whole world to say see, this is Heidi's drive-through issue. Drive-through, yeah. Oh my goodness, no, it's not going to be like that at all. Psalm 44, 21 says God knows the secrets of every heart. So I mean my point is, in looking at these verses, what are God's thoughts about what feels like I'm getting away with secret eating and I'm not? He's there.

Speaker 2: 11:31

He is there, he's there.

Speaker 1: 11:34

And he's loving me in the midst of it, and I think that's really important.

Speaker 2: 11:39

Well, and I just I feel like this is like a huge thing. People are very much believing that. I don't know, I don't even know if they're aware of it, I don't even think they're aware of it but it's like they're believing that God is pointing the finger at them, disappointed at them lots of that you know. And like he can't possibly be sitting with me when I'm overeating. Are you kidding me? This is awful. Like he can't possibly be sitting with me when I'm overeating. Are you kidding me? This is awful. Like, how can you even say that? And I've been challenging a lot of people on that.

Speaker 2: 12:11

I'm like, let's look at the character of God. You know he knows our needs and, like you know, you've said so many times, if Jesus was sitting next to me on the couch and he had five minutes with me and I had a bowl of food in my hand and I'm not hungry what's he going to be focused on? Is he going to be looking at that food, is he? No, he's going to look directly into my eyes, into my heart, and he's going to be like oh, christina, you know I I'm sorry that this has been so hard for you and this has been, and I know that your heart is hurting because of this, and that's what he would be talking about. He'd have his arms around me.

Speaker 2: 12:51

The food would be like irrelevant almost, because the food is just a way that I get relief sometimes, or I try to. It's a counterfeit when we look at who God is and we talk about this all the time at Revelation. Within he's a God of compassion, he's a God of grace and mercy and understanding, and what does he want? He wants us to be drawn into Him. He just wants to be close with us. He just wants to do life with us, you know. And so I think so many of us just feel so condemned and like, oh, I must be disappointing God and I get that because I felt like that for a very long time where it's like I must be disappointing God and so our relationship, my relationship with God, is broken because I'm overeating.

Speaker 1: 13:45

No, no, that's not the way, it is no way.

Speaker 2: 13:49

No way. And so, with some of the ladies that we're coaching and working with, I love, love, love, love to hear them say I'm feeling closer with the Lord than ever. You're still messing up, you're still eating when you're not hungry. You know you're still going to counterfeit comforts I mean, that's part of being human but your relationship with God is growing, the intimacy is growing. I love hearing that. I love hearing that, with mind renewal and some of the tools that we have, just spending time with him you know.

Speaker 1: 14:22

it's true, god knows it all. He knows it all. He knows the secrets of every heart. Daniel 47, he's the God of gods and revealer of secrets, and Deuteronomy 29, 29,. The secret things belong to the Lord, our God. He knows, he owns them all.

Speaker 1: 14:38

He owns every minute. He sees everything. We're going to in a few minutes. We're going to look at a longer passage in Psalm 139, jeremiah 23,. Who can hide in secret places so that I cannot see them, do not? I feel heaven and earth? And so in our so-called secrets he is there. There is nothing hidden from his sight. But he doesn't stand there with a club to bang our fingers or bang us on the head or shaking his finger at us. That is the image it's like as soon as we bring up. God knows it already. We think, yeah, I know, and he's wagging his finger at us.

Speaker 1: 15:19

That's not consistent with what scripture seems to indicate about God's character. I mean, when I look at scripture, I see verses like Romans 5a that says God demonstrates his own love for us in this, that while I was still a sinner, christ died for me, and Romans 8.1, that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ. Right John 3.17 that says God sent his son into the world not to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through him. And we could go on and on. Like Ephesians, chapter one, it says that he has called us to be holy and blameless before him since before the foundation of the world, before we ever had a Godward thought, before we ever said I'm going to lay down my eating and give it to you, god. He loved us. He loves us.

Speaker 1: 16:04

Now to the person who's struggling with bulimia and throwing up with her head in the toilet. I'm sorry it's so graphic, but that's just reality for many who listen. He is loving you right then. He is loving you right then. I think that your own heartache and shame that you feel about the secret of eating or about the throwing up or the use of laxatives or whatever it might be that causes his heart sadness, not disdain, not right yes yeah, and none of those things are consistent with who god reveals himself to be in his word.

Speaker 1: 16:41

None of that is consistent and I think what, what has happened, like you were saying. It may be something that's kind of a portrait of God that's painted for us in our churches these days I'm not sure. Or if it's something that came through our childhood, it's almost like a version of Santa. You know, watch out, you better not cry. He's keeping track of if you're naughty or nice, and that's almost like what I think we think God is like. He's keeping track of if you're naughty or nice, and that's almost like what I think we think God is like. He's keeping track oh, she grew up again, or oh, she's overeating again, or oh, she's thinking again, or whatever, and he's not like that.

Speaker 1: 17:17

The scriptures tell us he's the God of all compassion and the father of all comfort, and then he waits to show us compassion. The scriptures are filled Old and New Testament, by the way, anyway. So I'm tracking with you for sure. So anytime we read God's word and we see things like who can hide in secret places, so I cannot see them. It's not like a disapproving parent. Do you really think you can hide from me. No, that's not what he's saying. He's saying look kind of like in the Garden of Eden. Where are you? I want to see you, I want to love on you, definitely so.

Speaker 2: 17:56

One of the patterns that I got stuck in several years ago, when my mother-in-law was living here, I had access to satellite TV, which we'd never had before, and I started into this pattern. I didn't plan it, I didn't realize that I was getting into it, but it lasted for about two years, and so I would wait until everybody was in bed all three kids, mother-in-law. I would actually go to bed with my husband, wait until I heard him sleeping, knowing that he was sound asleep, and then I would go back downstairs I'll use the word sneak back downstairs quietly, and we have an old, old house and so our floors creak. I mean, I was very intentional about sneaking and being quiet and stepping in the right places. I had a plan that I was going to watch a certain show, and then I had a plan of what I was going to eat, and I had this happening almost every night and it was. It was a pattern and it developed into something that I thought about during the day and planned you know, oh, what do I have for tonight?

Speaker 1: 19:04

What do I have for?

Speaker 2: 19:05

my special time, me and the show. And the show was a like a home improvement show where they would take an old house that was kind of broken down and messed up and didn't have a good floor plan and was old fashioned or whatever, and they would turn it into this beautiful, sparkling, amazing transformed house. And now, when I look back, I think that's why I was so drawn to that show, because I was the one that needed transforming. I was the one that was all broken down and had, you know, the walls in the wrong place. I mean, it was me. I hated where I was at, but I kept it going, hoping that somehow I could get some relief from stress, you know, some comfort, some help.

Speaker 2: 19:55

My mother-in-law was living with us and she was declining. She had lung disease and it was difficult. It was hard to see her decline. There was a lot of grieving going on. Anyway, and I don't remember exactly the timeline, I feel like I was doing it when I started coaching with you, because she was still here. So I think, when I look back, I started coaching with you, heidi.

Speaker 2: 20:19

I don't think we talked about it, but I was ashamed, it was a secret, nobody knew nobody, of course God knew, but somehow I didn't think he was there. I mean, he was, he was right there, like you just said, heidi, but somehow I thought that by planning and orchestrating this event every night, where I was eating outside of my boundaries I was definitely not hungry ever when I did this that I was somehow pushing him away and then I would have to go back to him when I was ready. And that's not biblical, that's not what the Bible says about who God is. God says in the Bible over and over and over I will never leave you, I will always be with you, I will never forsake you. He uses the word never and always. It's like 100%. And so while I was doing this, every night he was there. I thought he wasn't there, I thought he was disappointed in me, I thought I was pushing him away, but he was right there with me.

Speaker 1: 21:27

And so.

Speaker 2: 21:28

I went through this little process and I just want to share this in case it encourages someone or in case someone kind of needs some steps to take. Maybe you're in a similar situation and I felt like God was really calling me into this. As I was coaching with Heidi, I was learning how to renew my mind and I realized, whoa, I need to look at this with the Lord. So the first thing that I did which was really really hard at first was to invite God in to be with me during that time. Mm-hmm was to invite God in to be with me during that time and it didn't feel right at first. It felt really awkward and strange, like I shouldn't be doing this, I shouldn't invite him to sit with me. But I had needs. I had things that were going on emotionally that I needed help for. I wasn't really getting that help and so I went to food and TV counterfeits and God gets that, he understands. So the first thing I did was invite him in, and that was hard enough. Just that first step. But over time it felt better and better. I was still eating, I was still watching the show, but I had invited him in and he was showing me compassion and he was loving me and I was reading more and more about who he was. Because, heidi, when you and I started coaching, we started talking about who is God, what's your view of God, and let's write a God list and let's praise him for who he is. And so the more I did that, the more I realized that my view of God was pretty inaccurate. I have loved the Lord since I was a little girl, grew up in the church and here I had this view of him that he wasn't with me when I was overeating. I mean, that's a lot of shame to carry around a lot.

Speaker 2: 23:19

So then the second thing that I did was turned off the TV. Now, this took a while. I would I let go of the food last. I turned off the TV. Maybe at first I only watched part of an episode. I think that's how it was. It was more of a baby step. I watched part of an episode and then I turned it off and just spent a little bit of time talking with God, and that was hard. I had the food. I was all by myself with, you know, with him. It was late at night, we were having this kind of secret time, but I began talking with him about it and that was huge. And it's not like every day I did that same, like I would go back and turn it on again. It wasn't like the trajectory was straight in a certain direction.

Speaker 2: 24:05

I was going up and down and then, over time I remember this I turned it off completely, the TV and it was just me and God and the food. Wow, I mean, that was huge. You that anything was hidden from him. It wasn't. Nothing was hidden from him. He was right there, loving me with so much compassion, even delighting over me as I'm eating, and not hungry, but just more and more.

Speaker 2: 24:34

I began to feel that acceptance with him and just to know that what he was interested in was not that bowl of food that I had in my hands. He was interested in my heart, my mind, what I was struggling with. So eventually I had less food, I brought less food, but I was still eating, and eventually less. And then one day I just pushed the food aside and it was just me and him. And it's not like it changed everything, because the next day I had food again in my hand. So it was, it was a process, but over time I realized that my relationship with him and my friendship with him was more satisfying than the TV and the food either one. Wow, I mean, that was just huge for me. That really changed my whole relationship with the Lord. It changed my relationship with food and it was just this kind of like oh my gosh, I've been looking at this all wrong yeah.

Speaker 1: 25:36

Well and you're not alone in that, I think so very often we do. We think that God is standing there as a disapproving taskmaster who's wondering why we're doing that. I think, if anything, it breaks his heart because he knows that it's a product of us not turning to him and that it also causes us such shame, and really that's the result of our secret eating.

Speaker 2: 26:01

Yes.

Speaker 1: 26:02

And the shame actually. Shame is tricky because it it's a way that we have almost of having a counterfeit conviction. It's not conviction, it's not conviction at all. The impact of shame is that it actually leads me to more shame, and the enemy is all about shame. And when I feel that much shame, I want to comfort myself. Yeah, absolutely yeah, sometimes with the show and the secret eating and all that. And so I think you're right on the money, and one reason why we teach the God list and praise fest is such, as you know, is such an important thing, and why I began there with you was because, as we adjust our view of God to be more accurate, to be reflective of what he discloses about himself in scripture, we want to be with him, we want to surrender to him, we see the possibilities of him satisfying you know, much more than a TV show and food.

Speaker 1: 27:09

Let's look for a minute at God's view of shame. You want to?

Speaker 2: 27:12

read Romans 10, 11?. Romans 10, 11, for the scripture says whoever believes in him will not be put to shame. It's right here. What a relief how hopeful this verse is. Whoever believes in him will not be put to shame.

Speaker 1: 27:32

Yeah, and it's also in Isaiah the very same thing. Isaiah 28, 16,. Whoever believes in him will not be put to shame.

Speaker 2: 27:42

Shame is not from God. I think that's something that I've had to say to myself many times Shame is not from God. Shame is not from God, it is from the enemy. It's not the famous conviction.

Speaker 1: 27:55

There's a song. It's been around since the 1930s. I looked this up last week, oh really. And it's Ain't no Grave. But the part that I'm thinking of is shame is a liar, cruel as the grave. Shame is a robber. And it's come to take my name, my name in Christ. I've got goosebumps, but love is a redeemer and love is the trumpet sound. It's a great, great great song.

Speaker 2: 28:22

Wow, that's powerful. Well, and then Psalm 31,. One in you, oh Lord, I put my trust. Let me never be ashamed. Deliver me in your righteousness. I mean it's beautiful. And here here is the word never. And so when God says I'm always with you, I will never be away from you, and then this verse says let me never be ashamed, I mean that means that 24-7,. There is no shame when I am in God's presence. There is no shame.

Speaker 1: 28:56

And I'm in God's presence all the time.

Speaker 2: 28:58

All the time.

Speaker 1: 29:00

Yeah, yeah. If we are experiencing shame, it is not because God has put that on us.

Speaker 2: 29:06

No.

Speaker 1: 29:08

I used to say, and I still think it's true shame is like the fingerprints of the enemy. It says he's been prowling, and so I love Psalm 33, and this is kind of his view, god's view. You, o Lord, are a shield about me, my glory and the lifter of my head. For me, you can't feel shame and have your head lifted up, and I can't have my head lifted up and feel shame. They're mutually exclusive. Right, god is the lifter of our head. Y'all Isn't that awesome.

Speaker 2: 29:43

I love that. I love. I think it makes me think about all the little kids that I used to work with when I was teaching. And someone would do something they weren't supposed to do and we would sit down and talk about it, and their heads were down right, their chins were down, touching their chest because they felt so bad. And then for me, to you know, love on them and say, well, why did this happen? Well, let's talk about it. Well, let's work it out for next time and be the lifter of their head. Oh, I love that. That's beautiful.

Speaker 1: 30:17

So how can we stop this secret eating thing? It causes shame, it causes me to think I can hide from God or certainly it will erodes my view of God. It kind of goes hand in hand with that and we have a couple of ideas about that. We've kind of mentioned some already. When I'm eating, I want to bring it into the light. That's going to defeat the shame. We suggest to some of the people that you know have been in our classes and our one-on-one coaching to have a tea party with Jesus. What is that, christina?

Speaker 2: 30:50

What does that look like oh well, it's kind of like what I was describing, except let's really do it up. Fun, let's do it. Let's really, instead of hiding in the corner and turning off the lights and trying not to step on the floorboards that will creak, let's bring it out, let's talk to God, let's invite him to an actual little get together, a little party, where we're going to talk about whatever is on our heart, whatever is on our mind, and have food as a part of it. I know it's like mind blowing.

Speaker 2: 31:28

Some of you are like what? That's crazy. I just know. Do I have to be hungry to do that? No, you don't have to be hungry to do that, and that's the thing. That's where it's like wait to do that, and that's the thing that's where it's like wait, wait, what? But let's bring it all out. Bring out those favorite foods, bring out the foods that you go to for comfort and put them on a special plate and set a place for the Lord. I know, I know you're like I can't do this, but this is where we become free, he's there anyway.

Speaker 2: 32:01

He's there anyway and he knows why I'm emotionally attached to mashed potatoes. He knows why because of my grandmother. And he knows he wants to teach me, he wants to be in there with me, he wants to love me through it. He knows why on that particular day I was so sad and I couldn't stop crying. Okay, it was two days ago, I mean. He knows he was there with me and so if the food is there too, it's all right. It's all right. Bring it all into the light. That's where healing begins. The more we hide, the more we allow shame to increase, the less that we will go toward healing and freedom and and all those things that we want peace. You know there's no peace in that. So I love the idea of doing that.

Speaker 1: 32:51

I love it. I like for me. When I think of having a tea party with the Lord too. I'm talking to him about the food. Yes, like I would if there was a friend present, because he is my friend, and so this sounds really good to me right now. Lord, I like this crunchy thing, or I like this, whatever it might be. Anyway, I don't want to trigger anybody, like we did maybe at the beginning.

Speaker 2: 33:16

Everybody's in the drive-thru right now.

Speaker 1: 33:19

So it really is helpful to bring it out into the light. God is there anyway, and along with that can come this I'm free to have accountability maybe, maybe I need to talk about it with a friend. I, I mean, I bet you. Well, you already said, christina, you didn't talk to anybody about your date with the TV and the food. Yeah, not even your coach.

Speaker 2: 33:41

No, not at the beginning. We talked about it later.

Speaker 1: 33:44

But when we were just brand new.

Speaker 2: 33:46

I was so embarrassed. I remember just thinking. I don't know if I can tell anybody this. This is so scary to share.

Speaker 1: 33:54

And I know a lot of people have said that, see, and for me, if I feel shame, it does reflect on my view of God and it corrodes my view of God. I can't see him clearly when I'm stuck in a place of shame, because somehow I associate him with that shame and it's a lie he is shame is a liar Cruel is a grave.

Speaker 1: 34:18

It's a robbery Come to take my name. My name in Christ is free one, so anyway, we want to look at. Maybe another way of breaking free is to look at are there lies that I am believing that are at the heart of my turning to secretive eating?

Speaker 2: 34:37

What is the truth?

Speaker 1: 34:39

And that is something that I have found. At the heart of it is I have lies, I believe, about who God is and what he's like, and so the best way to deal with that is not to grit my teeth and stop eating the food at night or in between, whatever, when nobody's around. The best way of handling that is to get with God and open his word and see what are you really like, lord. I wanted us Christina to share Psalm 139, verses 1 to 12. We often bop on over to verse 14, but there's a lot of really good stuff in those first 12 verses, of course, and so, when it comes to hiding from the Lord, or what does he want, I just love this passage.

Speaker 2: 35:24

Yes, well, you know, it's my favorite Psalm, it's my favorite Psalm.

Speaker 1: 35:28

Why don't you read the first 12 verses of it?

Speaker 2: 35:32

Oh, lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts, even when I'm far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I'm going to say even before I say it. Lord, you go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand. I can never escape from your spirit. I can never get away from your presence. If I go up to heaven, you are there. If I go down to the grave, you are there. If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me and your strength will support me. I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night, but even in darkness, I cannot hide from you. To you, the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are the same to you.

Speaker 1: 36:49

I love that. I love it so much.

Speaker 2: 36:53

I think I'm going to renew my mind this weekend with this over and over, because, boy, it's what I need to hear today.

Speaker 1: 36:59

Yeah, what will that look like for you? Renewing your mind with this over and over, because, boy, it's what I need to hear today. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2: 37:04

What will that look like for you, renewing your mind with this? Well, I think what I'll do is, you know, kind of have it on my phone, I might write it out, or I might type it out on my phone and just have these verses and then I might do different things over the weekend. I might pray through it. Sometimes I'll do a help me prayer with scripture where it's like Lord, help me to Lord, help me to Lord, help me to believe this, help me to remember that kind. Or sometimes I'll do a thank you where it's like oh God, thank you, thank you for this, and thank you that you know my thoughts and thank you, and thank you that you know my thoughts and thank you. So I might do that. I might just choose one verse and just memorize it and say it to myself again and again. There's a lot of different things that I could do with this, a lot. I might share it with somebody else.

Speaker 2: 37:53

I might even make an audio out of it on my phone. That's what I should do and then have that with me so that when, maybe, when I am believing a lie and here's the truth right here about God and me and secrets and light and darkness the truth is right here and when I'm struggling with that, I can just hit, play and hear myself speaking God's own words.

Speaker 1: 38:22

Right, exactly, you know another way of kind of dealing with the root of thinking I can eat in secret and nobody will see me or nobody will know or whatever is to look at when it began with the Lord, invite him in.

Speaker 1: 38:40

Look at when did I first start eating in secret, when did I first start sneaking and what has been true of my secretive eating and maybe even creating a truth list about it? And we talk a lot about truth lists in our classes and in our community and we have on our podcast. If I look at when it began and why it began, what is the earliest I remember sneaking? And when you were telling the story at the beginning of our episode today about climbing up to the get the chocolate and the special colorful box, yes, reminded me of I don't know how little I was I must've been really like four, maybe five and I climb up on the stove. There was a shelf up near the ceiling that had this great big copper container and it was a huge. It was a big like a gallon size that had cookies in it.

Speaker 2: 39:33

Oh wow, Way up there yes. And I somehow Above the stove even, which is so dangerous to climb on, oh crazy.

Speaker 1: 39:43

But yeah, and so that's the earliest I can remember sneaking, and so I'm going to investigate that with the Lord a little bit and see what comes of that. Jesus said in John 8, 32, and while he wasn't talking about secretive eating, he was sharing a principle that is true of our secret of eating. Then you'll know the truth, and the truth will set you free. Yes, I turn my back on what is true. I am not going to be able to really come to the bottom of it and figure out what is going on behind what I think is going on. Yes, going on is so often deeper than that, and so you know, yes, I think God intends that we be able to face the truth in our lives, heartaches, the challenges, and then, inviting him in, he can use that truth to bring us to a place of freedom. So, and of course, yeah, the secretive eating coaching group is another way. We have a waiting list forming for our next group. If you want to get in on that, the next time we offer it, you can visit revelationwithinorg.

Speaker 1: 41:03

Forward slash escape or click on classes when you get to the webpage revelationwithinorg forward slash escape.

Speaker 2: 41:11

Yes, and it is a phenomenal class with full curriculum. It's fantastic Five months long.

Speaker 1: 41:18

It's going to be a blast to see how God uses it in the lives of this group.

Speaker 2: 41:25

So, heidi, you went through a time in your life where you did something in the evening that was so helpful and beautiful and I thought this might be something to share with people who are listening. It was. It happened for you long after I was doing that nighttime thing with the um, the food and the TV show and all of that. Otherwise, I know you would have shared it with me then when we were coaching, but it was when you were living in the fifth wheel and you had evenings on your own and you created this kind of a basket of beautiful, life-giving things to do and engage with. That brought you into the Lord and I remember, heidi, you looked forward to that time. You looked forward to it.

Speaker 2: 42:16

It was a sweet, sweet time with you, between you and the Lord, and I just was thinking about that while you were talking, because so many of us struggle with evenings, whether we have someone else in the house or not. It's not just for people who are living alone, it's for everybody. We struggle, we're tired. In the evening, you know it's dark. Everything feels worse, kind of. Our worries get bigger in the evening. A lot of people struggle with that time, so I wanted to ask if you would share about that a little bit.

Speaker 1: 42:50

Oh sure, it kind of was my take on what we have called the emergency kit or survival kit. If there is a time of the day that is more challenging, I can plan for that by having something that is just too good to resist, and I don't mean food, and so for me, when I was living in the fifth wheel, I turned my bedroom into kind of a sanctuary. Yes, you did quiet time. It was more than that, it was sweet. You know, it was a translation of the Bible I don't usually use. I had cards and gifts people had given me that I would pull out. I had a back scratcher so that I mean I know that sounds so silly. No, not at all. At one point I even had a favorite mug with. I'm not a tea drinker, but I found one tea that I absolutely love.

Speaker 1: 43:59

Yes, I'm drinking it right now. I would make sure I had access to that. It was like almost like a spa day at night in my little camper it was. It really was kind of fun. Actually I shouldn't go back to that, but it it was. I'm feeling backed up against a wall where I know I'm going to act out in some way, I'm going to overeat or I'm going to do something that I'm going to regret and find shame in doing.

Speaker 1: 44:28

I want to have something that says come here and be close to me, heidi, come here. It's the Lord. He's saying that he wants that he does yeah for me. That did it when I turned my room into this kind of sanctuary with all these goodies.

Speaker 2: 44:47

Yeah, well, and you had candles. They weren't real candles, but they were the kind of like the ambience I remember, cause I came and visited you and I remember at night we turn on all those candles and I was like, oh my gosh, this is wonderful, like it was so cozy and music oh my gosh, this is wonderful, like it was so cozy and music.

Speaker 1: 45:03

You know that's really beautiful. Yeah, oh, it was just so. Yeah, that's what.

Speaker 2: 45:06

That was good, I need to do that again it was so much better than sitting in front of the TV with a bowl of something which is what I had been doing for so long A lot more satisfying.

Speaker 2: 45:17

Yeah, it was wonderful. So thanks for sharing about that. I just had that whole picture in my mind of your trailer and that cute little bedroom with all the candles. We're so glad that you've joined us today. We're so glad and we hope that you will come back and join us for our next episode at Revelation Within On. The Go within on the go. We'll see you next time. See you next time. Bye for now.