Speaker 1: 0:02

Hi and welcome to our podcast Revelation Within on the Go. I'm Heidi Biles-Mafferson, one of your hosts and the owner and lead coach of the RevelationWithinorg ministry.

Speaker 2: 0:13

And I'm Christina Motley, your other host, also a Revelation Within coach, and Heidi's partner in all things Revelation Within, things Revelation Within.

Speaker 1: 0:31

We are so happy to invite you to join us for this episode of Revelation Within. Welcome, welcome. Well, this is the third episode in our four-part series from shame to shalom, and we have a new class starting up in September by the same name. It'll be, about eight weeks long, but if you've ever struggled to hold boundaries with grace or felt stuck in a cycle of shame after failing again, after failing again.

Speaker 2: 1:10

Today's episode is for you, it is, it is, it is, and it's for me and it's for Heidi too. We are going to explore what it looks like to rewrite the story that Shane tries to tell. And you know, we all have. We all have that in our lives. We all have that story or those stories, depending on the season in our life. It's time to rewrite that story, to shift from failure to formation. We're going to talk about boundaries, not not as punishment but as protection, and how to review our missteps with God's grace, you know instead of hiding in guilt.

Speaker 1: 1:52

That sounds good, doesn't that?

Speaker 2: 1:54

sound really, really good, and I don't know a person on this planet that cannot relate to that.

Speaker 1: 2:01

Yeah, me too we all deal with that. So let's just lift up this time to the Lord together. Okay, great Jesus, we come to you open hearted and tired of straining for perfection. It's a lie, lord, we can't reach it this side of heaven. Would you meet us where we've fallen? Would you remind us who we are and whose we are? Teach us to guard what is precious, not with walls, but with wisdom. God, yes, yes, thank you, lord, in Christ's name Amen.

Speaker 2: 2:35

Amen Thanks.

Speaker 1: 2:35

Heidi. Sure, we're going to start with something familiar. I think everybody can relate to this. Have you ever said I failed again?

Speaker 2: 2:46

Yes, again and again.

Speaker 1: 2:49

And again, again, again. That phrase feels kind of like a verdict, it feels like a label. It's I'm a failure, I have failed, I am a failure. But what if we changed the story a bit? But what?

Speaker 2: 3:03

if we changed the story a bit. Yeah, so shame turns slip ups into identity. It causes us to feel like we were owned by it. Right, that's, that's the direction that shame goes in. So, for example, I'm just a mess like I am. I am this, it is who I am, it owns me and that's not the direction we want to go in and it's certainly not the direction that God goes in. God rewrites that in John 21. Peter, who denied Jesus three times, is lovingly restored in that story. Go back and read it. It's an amazing story. Imagine yourself in front of Christ. In that story, peter is restored with love. Jesus doesn't erase Peter's past, he reframes it. He doesn't say, poof, it's gone, it's disappeared. He actually uses what happened and reframes it disappeared. He actually uses what happened and reframes it. He says do you love me? Then feed my sheep.

Speaker 1: 4:11

And he definitely doesn't say you blew it, you're out.

Speaker 2: 4:15

He doesn't say well, this is who you are now.

Speaker 1: 4:18

You made this choice.

Speaker 2: 4:19

This is who you are. He doesn't. He's not that way. That's not who God is. And if you, if you look at, you know all the stories in the new Testament where Jesus is interacting with people.

Speaker 1: 4:38

This is what he does, he loves, he has compassion and he reframes Yep. He says let's start again. I still trust you. In fact, that's how grace talks.

Speaker 2: 4:45

Yes, I love that. It's how grace talks.

Speaker 1: 4:58

We want to get in the habit of telling ourselves the truth about what aligns with the way God thinks, instead of thinking that God is shaming us or wagging his finger in our face. That's a lie from the pit, it is so I mean he's saying our face, that's a lie from the pit, it is so I mean he's saying let's start again. I still trust you. In Romans 8, 28, we read and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him.

Speaker 2: 5:17

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1: 5:19

It reminds us that even our failures can be compost for spiritual growth.

Speaker 2: 5:25

Okay, it can be compost for spiritual growth.

Speaker 1: 5:32

Let's do a breath prayer for a minute, just to bring this home, okay.

Speaker 1: 5:35

Great In case, you've never been with us for these breath prayers. Basically we're just. We're just calming our body down, but we're doing it with a truth that is in alignment with God's truth, his very own thoughts. Sometimes we use scripture, sometimes we use principles from scripture, sometimes it's just a truth that God has laid on our hearts. And so the truth we're going to use for this breath prayer, on the inhale, we're going to say my story is still being written and we know that's true. We know that's true. And then, on the exhale, and you are a redeemer, I think I want to say you are the redeemer or my I think I'm going to say my redeemer.

Speaker 2: 6:17

I like my also.

Speaker 1: 6:18

All right. So I like to start breath praying by kind of breathing deeply in and exhaling out and and kind of getting a running start on it all. So, so let's go ahead and empty our lungs of all the air that we can so exhale and now inhale. Let's do just that again exhale and inhale and say my story is still being written my story is still being written and on the exhale say and you are my rede and you are my redeemer.

Speaker 2: 7:05

And you are my redeemer.

Speaker 1: 7:09

And then inhale again. My story is still being written. And exhale, and you are my redeemer. Amen. I love that. That's so true, you know, recognizing that our missteps are not wasted but can actually be powerful moments, compost, like we said, that God can use to help us grow. I love that. And Romans 8 reminds us that God is in fact working all things together for good, and that even includes our failures.

Speaker 2: 7:51

What I don't know about everybody else, but for me it's like certain areas in my life I've kind of set aside as not believing this. You know what I mean. It's like, yes, okay, I'm not owned by this, I'm not a failure here, okay, I can get up and learn from this. But, for example, for me, the area of food and eating and weight, I set that one aside.

Speaker 2: 8:19

That one was my failure place for so many years and I didn't apply this to that. I didn't. I didn't apply God's grace to that. I struggled with that in a way that was different from everything else.

Speaker 1: 8:33

And it may be something else, for someone else.

Speaker 2: 8:35

You know, it may not be that, but I think that for all of us there's something, at least one thing, that we often will say this one doesn't belong in this category, but it does. There isn't anything that doesn't belong in this category, so think about that.

Speaker 2: 8:53

Maybe there's somebody out there who's like, yeah, but what about this? Yes, this applies to that too. It does, 100%. Here is where that grace meets real life boundaries. Okay, let's talk a little bit about boundaries, and I remember learning that word kind of for the first time as applied to this, and I thought I like this so much better than restrictions or rules I knew you'd say it with me rules, boundaries, because boundaries aren't about perfection or performance and they're certainly not shameful not at all. They're simply the loving guardrails, you know, like a guardrail on a mountain road, guardrails we put around our hearts to protect what matters most. I actually had a time when I was, my life was saved by a boundary, a guardrail on a mountain road.

Speaker 1: 9:55

No, do tell.

Speaker 2: 9:56

Yeah, well, back when I was I'm guessing I was well, let's see, probably earlys in Southern California and my husband and I he was my boyfriend then we had borrowed his mom's car because his car wasn't running and I don't think I had one at the time or something.

Speaker 2: 10:15

Anyway, we borrowed her car and we went into the mountains and we ran into snow and ice and that's really unusual in Southern California, but if you go high enough at a certain time of year, I had never in my life driven anywhere where there was snow or ice.

Speaker 1: 10:34

And.

Speaker 2: 10:35

I, it was my turn to drive back and we I crashed into a guardrail with his mom's car. Oh dear yeah, A little need for grace there Mortifying. And that guardrail was strong and it stopped the car and it wasn't a big crash, but it was enough to dent the car, but it definitely stopped us from going over the cliff. And David, you know he was so sweet, he's like I'll take the blame, I'll say I was driving, but anyway, I will never forget that Whenever we talk about guardrails I think about that. That guardrail was set up ahead of time. It was there ahead of time.

Speaker 1: 11:22

I didn't have to say or if there was a mishap, yeah Right.

Speaker 2: 11:24

It wasn't like oh, I'm slipping quick, put up a guardrail. It wasn't like that, it was already there. And so it worked, for me it worked for us. It saved us from going over the cliff and we were pretty high at the time. I will never forget that. Every time I hear the word guardrail, I think of that story. So but if that word of boundaries, if that makes you feel at all nervous or guilty, know that you're not alone. Shame says you set boundaries because you're broken right.

Speaker 2: 12:01

I mean that's the language of shame. But that's not truth.

Speaker 1: 12:06

It's not truth.

Speaker 2: 12:08

Proverbs 4.23 is truth, it's God's words, and he says above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. I mean above all else. That's pretty clear. It's actually really extreme. Above all else, guard your heart. So in Hebrew the word for guard nasar means to watch over something precious. Oh, this is where it gets so good. Boundaries aren't rejection, they're protection. Gets so good. Boundaries aren't rejection, they're protection, they're to protect something precious. They say this is the language of boundaries. From God's point of view, boundaries say I'm worth preserving.

Speaker 2: 12:59

I'm worth being protected. I'm worth being watched over, yeah. Isn't that astonishing? Yeah, it is. It's amazing, but what a great example. And, of course, we all know how that worked out.

Speaker 1: 13:23

But I think the point, though is at least I think this is a really valuable point to ponder for a moment is that it wasn't about sin. Boundaries were not about sin in that first establishing of them with Adam and Eve, and so shame has us redefining it and taking and twisting what boundaries are. But God says no, I want to protect you, and really that's what it was about for Adam and Eve when God established those boundaries. I love that. Let's take just a minute and invite y'all who are listening, and us as well, to kind of bring this thought home. We want to join us in inviting God to show us. So pray with me and sit, if you're able to, in silence, and we're going to just listen for what he says to us. Lord, what area of my life is vulnerable or out of control in some way? Would you show me that right now, and I'm just going to be silent for a moment and invite you to do the same what area of my life, lord, is vulnerable or out of control? And, lord, what boundary are you inviting me to set? What is a boundary from you for me? Not to punish me, but to protect what's sacred, lord, what boundary do you want me to set? What boundary is from you, not to punish me, but to protect what is sacred? Such a good question, and just so you have some ideas of how this might look.

Speaker 1: 16:36

An example of boundaries god might have us said is yes to rest, I need to rest, I more rest. Not just no to late night scrolling, because yeah, no to late night scrolling, but that may not be all it may be for the purpose of rest. Another example is I will pause before I comfort eat and ask what do I need right now? That's a really good one. I'm going to say that again. I will pause before I comfort eat and ask what do I need right now? And then here's another example that, oh, I bet several of us at least, could use this as a wonderful boundary I will limit exposure to voices that stir shame in me.

Speaker 1: 17:29

I will limit exposure to voices that stir shame in me. See, these are all examples of loving godly boundaries. It may not be what comes to our mind initially when we think of boundaries. We may be more prescriptive than that or feel like we're more prescriptive than that, but when we invite God in to help us set boundaries that align with his desires for us and his heart to protect us. That's when we really get somewhere with it. It's not rules. It's established for protection of what's precious.

Speaker 2: 18:03

Yeah, and that feels better, doesn't it? Yeah, it feels like life, it feels like something you want to do, you want to go toward. We want to be protected, right. We are precious, you know.

Speaker 1: 18:21

You know, can I just be honest, true confession? Yeah, of course, this longing even though I was I grew up as a tomboy and I was always a macho girl and all of that stuff, whatever, whatever, whatever, I was strong and healthy, and all of that I have always had a longing to be protected, to be protected by somebody who is a protective figure, you know. So, not just protected, but somebody, and I'm so grateful that I know now that that's my Lord, jesus Christ. But it's like I always longed for somebody to be accessible, to intervene, for me to say, nope, not my girl, you're not going to get to her that way. I mean, I don't know, maybe everybody has that feeling I think everybody does.

Speaker 2: 19:06

I mean whether we realize it or not. We might think I don't need that, but I think we do. I think that's built into us so that we are longing for the Lord in that.

Speaker 1: 19:17

Because he's the only one that can really do it. Right, so true, so true.

Speaker 2: 19:23

I love that. Thanks for sharing that, heidi. Okay, let's go ahead and jump into another breath prayer. This one is also beautiful. You might want to jot it down If it really resonates with you. Today we're going to inhale and then say, boundaries protect what is precious. And then we're going to exhale and say, and Lord, I am precious to you. So let's go ahead and take a deep breath and say boundaries protect what is precious, precious. Breathe out and say, and Lord, I am precious to you. Let's do that one again. Nice deep breath. Breathe in and say boundaries protect what is precious. And breathe out, and Lord, I am precious to you.

Speaker 2: 20:32

I love this so easy to remember. That's really easy to remember, such a good one to do throughout the day when you're thinking about boundaries. I love that.

Speaker 1: 20:51

Oh well, let's talk about what happens after we mess up, because we know we're going to mess up this side of heaven. We won't be perfect, right? No, not at all, not at all. And what do most of us want to do when we've messed up? Yeah, we want to just give up and hide. Yeah, hide. The shame comes in, all hide. Yeah, we want to hide.

Speaker 2: 21:05

The shame comes in. All those old mean messages come back into our brain. We want to beat ourselves up over it and then we just kind of drop it and it seems like it was wasted time.

Speaker 1: 21:18

Yeah, and that's just. It doesn't have to be that way and it shouldn't be that way. We can experience God's grace in the midst of it, which is a wonderful truth. So most of us want to hide. Shame says you blew it. Don't let anyone know or see. And this is so cool because God says something entirely different. He does In Genesis, chapter three, verse nine. He called to Adam and Eve and said where are you? This was right after they had messed up big time, as if he didn't know, right, right, and you know, what's so cool is that word in Hebrew, that is the where are you part. It isn't about location, it's relational. It means where are you with me, don't you just love that? I love.

Speaker 2: 22:07

I do. That's really really neat, that's amazing and that's our God, that's the God that we love, the God that we serve, the God that we know. He walks into the shame and says let's talk, let's turn on all the lights, let's just shine warm sunshine all over. Let's walk through this together. Don't no need to hide. No need to hide.

Speaker 2: 22:34

It's okay, like it's totally okay, let's talk about this together. And that's who our God is, our God of compassion and love and comfort and patience. That's who he is. So in Micah 7, verse 8, chapter 7, verse 8, it says though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light.

Speaker 1: 23:01

I love that I know.

Speaker 2: 23:03

I mean there's other places in the Bible many actually where it talks about light and God being light and how there is no darkness with him, like he sees every detail in the darkness. It's just like light to him. So I just love it's so assuring to me to know that God is. Not only is he light, but he sees everything and that's good, that's good.

Speaker 2: 23:29

So we want to talk a little bit today about one of our favorite mind renewal tools, and that is look and learn, and that's what we're talking about here. Rather than hiding, running away, you know, throwing all the food wrappers into the bottom of the trash can and turning on your favorite show so you're not thinking about it. None of that. We want to look and learn with the Lord and bring you know he's going to bring something good, he's going to teach us. So the first thing that we do with look and learn is just ask God. Well, the first thing we do is invite him in always. Lord, please come into this time, help me to see the way you see, open my eyes, shine the light. And then we ask him what happened? What was that all about? What was that about? What happened?

Speaker 2: 24:21

I mean, I totally turned left. When I thought I was going to be turning right, something happened there. It took me by surprise, or maybe you had it planned, but what happened? Let's just look at it. And then, what was I feeling? What was I feeling? Was I upset in some way? Was I super excited about something? Was I nervous, disappointed, overwhelmed, full of fear? What was I feeling overwhelmed, full of fear. What was I feeling? And then was there a lie that I was believing.

Speaker 2: 24:56

Because you know our beliefs is what drives what we do, our actions. And so was there a lie there? Probably there was. Was there a lie that I was believing, something that I need to look at with you, lord? And then, what truth.

Speaker 2: 25:16

are you speaking over me, lord? What truth? What is true from your perspective? Refute the lie. Help me to see what was wrong so that I can go in a different direction next time. And that's where we go, kind of, at the end is show me what can I do differently next time when I see this coming again and it's almost exactly the same thing and that happens to us all the time what can I do differently? That will bring life to me, lord, instead of trap me in shame again.

Speaker 1: 25:50

Right, right. Thank you for that, and it's important for me to recognize, as I take all of this to God, it's not for perfecting anything no. It's for walking in more awareness, becoming more present with God in the mess. He is there, See. I was thinking as Christina, you were talking about how good it is for him to see everything. Some of us come from a place where that's terrifying.

Speaker 2: 26:19

Yeah, I think that.

Speaker 1: 26:21

God sees everything. We may know it with our head, but it's like, oh, but if he's mean, if he's disapproving, if he's distant, if he's not the God of all compassion and comfort, if he's not eager to demonstrate compassion and grace, like it says he is in his word, then it's terrifying. But that's just. It is who he is. Makes all the difference in the world. So for a person who is not convinced that they are excited that God can see all and know all, just review who he is. Create a God list, spend some time praise festing and we've talked about that in other podcasts and stuff Just dive into the Psalms God, what do you like? What?

Speaker 2: 27:06

do you?

Speaker 1: 27:07

do for your people, right? Yes, what do you want me to believe? So that way, as I become more present with God in my mess, it's a joy to hear from him. I know that he's not wagging his finger in my face and really the look and learn tool that we just shared is a way that we experience God's grace in the moments throughout our days. None of us are perfect, so rather than just pretend that's not a big deal, it didn't bother me that I did X, y or Z or I better just shake it off and move on. Which is what, at the best? What some of us tend to do? We can invite him to teach us through it. We can learn so much from our mess ups. Let's not let a single one of them be wasted.

Speaker 2: 27:53

Yes, I love that, Heidi. I love that One of the one of my favorite things that you taught me early on when we started coaching Heidi. Um, I remember just thinking it's going to be okay, I'm going to mess up again, and that was just totally new for me.

Speaker 1: 28:13

Really.

Speaker 2: 28:14

It was after so many years of being owned by my failure. You said something like you're going to mess up. Christina. Just be ready for it with the Lord, have the plan in place that was so freeing for me.

Speaker 1: 28:30

And a lot of people would say that's wrong. That's wrong, You're sinning and you shouldn't do that anymore. Really, what is most consistent with God's character? I look in God's word and clearly he knew we were going to mess up repeatedly. That's why Jesus came and gave himself on the cross and then defeated the grave and resurrected is because he knew I would need the power that he offers me to defeat sin. And so really it's it's a process.

Speaker 2: 29:05

It's just, it goes on, and on, and on until we get to heaven. I mean, when you think about his relationships with his disciples, that is the example for us. They messed up over and, over and over again and Jesus knew it was going to happen and he chose them anyway. He didn't choose perfect people not that there are any but he didn't choose perfect people to be his.

Speaker 2: 29:31

There are any, but he didn't choose perfect people to be his disciples. They were all kind of a mess. So that's comforting to me. Let's take a moment to speak praise to the God who protects and restores and walks with us in the darkness. Let's take a moment to do that. So, god, you are my refuge when I'm overwhelmed. You speak grace where I speak judgment. You call me precious. You guard my heart because it matters to you. I love those. Those are awesome.

Speaker 1: 30:12

We could go on and on and have a regular full-on praise fest.

Speaker 2: 30:16

We could. I was thinking about it.

Speaker 1: 30:20

Oh, I love the truth about what God is like and what he does for us. He does, he is our refuge. He does speak grace where we speak judgment to ourselves. It makes me think of that Lauren Daigle song where you say I am yours and I say I'm something else I forget how it goes, but yeah, it's really good.

Speaker 1: 30:39

You know it's important. You are not a failure. I am not a failure. You are a learner, I'm a learner. Your story isn't over. My story isn't over, it's unfolding. It's unfolding and it's sacred. God's boundaries are love in action, and his grace is still the loudest, most powerful voice, and we love that truth.

Speaker 2: 31:06

I love it too. You know, I went for a walk this morning and God and I made this little agreement, probably a couple of years ago, that every time I go for a walk by myself I start with praising him every single time for the first few minutes. And it was so good. It was so good. I've had a lot of worries lately Quite a lot of worries. Yeah, I've been a lot of worries lately. You think Quite a lot of worries. Yeah, I've been diagnosed with breast cancer and I'm on this whole new life journey that I've never been on before. And starting my day, my walk, my drive, whatever it is starting with praise, it changes everything.

Speaker 2: 31:51

Yeah, it turns my heart toward him. It calms my fears, it reminds me that God is on his throne and, no matter what's going to happen next, no matter what it is, he's right there and he's powerful and amazing and beautiful and compassionate, and he's crazy about me and he's crazy about you, right? So, yeah, that's that is one of our best. Maybe it is our best tool. Yes, praising God. It renews our minds and it restores our hope, our spirits. Wow, it's powerful. So next time we're going to be talking about the practical steps of rebuilding trust with your body and letting peace, not pressure, lead your next right step.

Speaker 1: 32:44

That sounds amazing, yes, and until then, live loved, live true, live from shalom. That's what we do when we live out of the love God has for us.

Speaker 2: 32:57

Yes, yes, and we are so glad that you've been with us today, so glad, and we would love to invite you to join us for our next episode of Revelation Within Revelation Within On the Go. Come and join us, we'd love to see you again.

Speaker 1: 33:18

Yay, bye for now. Bye for now.