SPEAKER_01: 0:01

Hi, and welcome to our podcast, Revelation Within on the Go. I'm Heidi Milesma Epherson, one of your hosts, and the owner and the lead coach of the RevelationWithin.org industry.

SPEAKER_00: 0:12

And I'm Christina Motley, your other host, also a Revelation Within coach and Heidi's partner in all things Revelation Within. We are so happy to invite you to join us for this episode of Revelation Within. Hey, we're so glad you're here to join us for this final part of our holiday survival guide series.

SPEAKER_01: 0:43

As you may recall, or if you didn't, you can go back and listen to it either again or for the first time. In episode one, we talked about preparing your heart and your intentions for the season. In episode two, we explored what to do when, in spite of all our wonderful intentions, we still fall short, or what we call sploogie. How to renew your mind when things don't go perfectly. How can we think God's thoughts about our failures?

SPEAKER_00: 1:13

So today we're going to talk about a huge trigger for emotional eating. What's emotional eating? Have I ever done that?

unknown: 1:22

Yes.

SPEAKER_00: 1:24

So many times. Okay, holiday stress. And what about disconnection from God? We're going to talk about relationships today.

SPEAKER_01: 1:36

Oh, this is lovely. Just listen to this list. Family dynamics, loss, unmet expectations. Oh, goodness. Passive, aggressive comments from Aunt Sally, loneliness, grief, old wounds. Oh my goodness. This time of year tends to stir it all up. This is gonna be a fun episode. Yeah. Are we sure we want to do this one?

SPEAKER_00: 2:02

Let's go have pizza. Okay, well, let's just start right here. Don't don't turn off the episode. Let's just start here. God knows that people can be really hard to deal with. He knows. Well, after all, he made us. He knows. He gets us. And he doesn't ask us to deny the reality of what's happening in our lives that are causing relational pain. Instead, he invites us to bring it to him.

SPEAKER_01: 2:40

Oh, that makes me feel better. Yeah. Thanks for joining us. Yeah, we'll see you next time. Romans 12, 18 tells us if it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. So we're not responsible for how others act, but we are responsible for how we respond. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 3:09

Well, and that's where food can kind of sneak in or storm in or rush in or I don't know, um, stomp around. How about emotional eating often becomes a form of self-protection or control or how about escape?

SPEAKER_01: 3:29

Yep.

SPEAKER_00: 3:30

You know, it can feel like a buffer between us and difficult people. Um, and I know that I we're not saying anything that you don't know. This this is something that so many of us have experienced.

SPEAKER_01: 3:44

Yeah, there was a united duh that we heard from you all.

SPEAKER_00: 3:49

Exactly. Exactly. Right.

SPEAKER_01: 3:53

When we use food that way, though, you know, we really tend to miss an opportunity to grow with God, to kind of bring him into the problem, into the pain, to let him shape us instead of him doing the soothing. We don't want to self-soothe with food or whatever else. We want to go to him and let him shape us and soothe us.

SPEAKER_00: 4:16

Well, and we all know how we feel when we're self-soothing. In the moment, maybe for a quick little moment, it feels better. And then very quickly, it feels worse. It's draining, it's exhausting, it's bringing us down instead of up. And we know that we've done it so many times. So we really don't want to go there again. Um, so imagine someone kind of pushing your buttons at a holiday gathering instead of numbing out or isolating or going for a big plate of food. What if we ask God, Lord, what are you showing me through this person or through this situation? And is there anything in me that you're inviting me to notice, to heal, or even to surrender?

SPEAKER_01: 5:07

You know, it's possible that you won't ask these questions unless you take time, you know, excuse yourself and go to the bathroom or something. You know, just take a moment away, remove yourself from the situation where you're being triggered emotionally, and then you can ask the Lord these questions. And Psalm 139, verses 23 and 24 has a beautiful look and learn prayer in it. And this is what David wrote: search me, oh God, and know my heart, test me and know my anxious thoughts, see if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

SPEAKER_00: 5:46

Beautiful. So, this kind of prayer, I mean, it's like opening a door for God to speak to us, not just about our eating, but about what's happening in our hearts. And he greets us always with compassion, love, patience, all of those things. Imagine actually opening that door for God to speak to us about something really, really important.

SPEAKER_01: 6:14

Yeah. So, what do you suppose it actually looks like to walk in this? Here's some ideas that we have for the event. Maybe create a truth list about the people or patterns that you anticipate being hard. What does God say about you, about your worth, about your boundaries? And if you need some fuel for an identity in Christ truth list, uh you can visit teamlife is good.com forward slash identity. And we have a nice like two and a half page list of things that the word of God says about what he says about you. And that's a great place to start. So again, that's teamlife is good.com forward slash identity. So before the event, create a truth list, read it out loud, uh, try to get it to soak into your heart and your mind. And then during the event, take bathroom breaks with the Lord. He's right there. You can step outside if you want to, you can breathe, or whisper a breath prayer. Like, you are my peace, even here, even now. You are my peace on the inhale, and even here, even now on the exhale, or whatever other truth you might want to incorporate. You know, again, breath praying is not mystical or magical, it just tells my nervous system there's no reason to be afraid, that I can calm down, I can be at peace. And God loves it when we pair deep breathing with his truth. You are my peace, even here, even now. And then after the event, journal or pray through what happened. Ask God what he wants you to carry forward. That's you know, really look and learn is what we're talking about. Look with the Lord at the event, at the relationship, at what you said, at what was said to you, and ask God to show you. What do I need to know about how that went? What do I need to know about how I responded? And then ask him what he wants you to release or carry forward, what does he want you to learn so that next time you're in a similar situation, you can emerge victorious.

SPEAKER_00: 8:30

Proverbs 4, verse 23 says, Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. So this means that it's not selfish to protect your emotional space, it's actually wise. God is encouraging us to protect what is precious to him, and that's us.

unknown: 8:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 8:54

So, how can we renew our mind about difficult people that we anticipate will be either at a gathering or that we'll have to interact with at some level? Christina and I are gonna read uh many truth lists that you can use when people make your life less than ideal, maybe. Yeah. Um, so go ahead, Christine, read that first one.

SPEAKER_00: 9:17

I am not defined by their opinion of me.

SPEAKER_01: 9:22

God's voice matters more than theirs.

SPEAKER_00: 9:26

I don't have to defend or explain myself.

SPEAKER_01: 9:31

God sees it all and loves me.

SPEAKER_00: 9:34

My peace comes from Christ, not my circumstances.

SPEAKER_01: 9:40

My identity is secure.

SPEAKER_00: 9:43

I can show grace without becoming a doormat.

SPEAKER_01: 9:49

Boundaries are biblical and loving.

SPEAKER_00: 9:54

You know, you might even turn some of these into personalized prayers. For example, Lord, help me to respond with your wisdom, not with my wounds. Thank you that I don't have to earn approval. Yours is already mine.

SPEAKER_01: 10:09

Renew your mind with God's truth before you're caught in a situation where you're reacting.

SPEAKER_00: 10:14

Okay, so let's let's not forget, Jesus knows what it's like to have relational pain. I mean, his family thought he was crazy. His disciples actually abandoned him. Judas betrayed him with a kiss. I mean, Jesus lived on this earth and he had all kinds of relationships, and it was complicated at times and tricky and difficult. He gets it, he's been here.

SPEAKER_01: 10:45

Yeah, and yeah, it's true. He responded with truth, love, boundaries, forgiveness. And yeah, he didn't avoid hard relationships, but he also didn't let them define him, and that's where I struggle. I do let those hard things define me in some way. You know, I tend to carry those wounds from my past, and then if something happens in the present, I can easily let let yeah, it comes rushing back.

SPEAKER_00: 11:12

Yeah, and that happens to so many of us. That's the pattern that we're invited to follow. What you just shared, Heidi, not perfection, but presence, you know, being present with God in our hard moments with people.

SPEAKER_01: 11:28

Oh, and this is a truth that my peace isn't found in people. And I want I want to remember this and uh urge you all to remember this. People may never give you or me what we long for. That affirmation, the apology, the connection, or the compassion, they may never come. That's just the reality. And God wants to meet with us in the midst of our disappointment, in the midst of our heartache, in the midst of yet again rehearsing the heartache that we went through last year or that we're in this year. He will be enough for us in the midst of that.

SPEAKER_00: 12:12

Yes. Yeah. You know, I'm thinking of a situation that I was in many years in a row, really. Um, I used to teach at an elementary school, absolutely loved it. Um, but every year we would have these holiday parties. And there was one person in particular who was very judgmental, very outspoken. I think everybody kind of dreaded being around this person in a social event. And actually, she was a phenomenal teacher. She was so good at what she did. But in a situation that was social, she was constantly stepping on everybody's toes. And it was unpredictable, it was nerve-wracking. I know that I was not alone in feeling this way. We dreaded being at this party with her. And so, what do you do in a situation like that? So I went to the Lord about it. I mean, the first few years, I didn't know how to renew my mind. I didn't have any idea what to do. I just kind of avoided her. Um, but that's not what God calls us to either, just completely isolating or um, you know, walking away. And so I thought, yeah, I'm gonna invite God into this. God loves this person. He loves her, he made her. He is chasing after her, he is drawing her into his own heart. He loves her just as he loves me. And so one of the ways that I dealt with it was writing a truth list ahead of time about her and about God's view of her and the situation and renewing my mind about it. That was huge for me. I remember having it on little cards in my desk and pulling those out just before the party. But another thing that helped me was to set up some boundaries that were life-giving for me. For example, I made the decision that I would never be in a room alone with her. I just thought, you know what? This is a life-giving boundary for me. I don't need to be alone with her in a room where, you know, she might go off on me or whatever. And so that was that was very intentional. I was able to, you know, to do that fairly easily. And I really felt like God led me to that as a protective measure. Um, another boundary was I planned in two breaks during the party where I would either go into another room, go outside, or go in the bathroom, whatever it was, and just spend a minute kind of debriefing, processing with the Lord. How's it going? You know, how's it going? And that kind of thing. And then I had also I had a plan for what I could say to her that would be something very positive that she could talk about. So that was kind of set up ahead of time so I could completely focus on her, not focus on myself and ask her about something that I knew she would love to talk about and share, maybe a trip she had taken or something like that. And then I was able to set up a boundary where I could say something and walk away and join someone else for a conversation. Those are just a few things you can think of, all kinds of boundaries, especially if you ask for God's wisdom in all of that.

SPEAKER_01: 15:40

You know, one of the things I love is, you know, and we mentioned it previously, to take a break away to check in with the Lord or to renew your mind, but you scheduled those ahead of time. So it wasn't like you waited until you were in dire straits and swept up into it to try to pull away. You planned it, you know, and that's oh, that's such wisdom. Your boundaries were very wise, obviously.

SPEAKER_00: 16:06

Well, and the other thing that I did was planned for the food. I knew what the food would be, and so I made a plan to have this, but not this, for example, or to have this amount, or to use this size plate, or I mean, I kind of made a plan with the Lord ahead of time because it's in those emotional, emotionally charged settings that I would eat too much in the past, you know, just without even thinking. Um, so that was very life-giving to me as well. I made the decisions ahead of time, and that helped me. Made the decisions with the Lord, asking for his guidance. I love that.

SPEAKER_01: 16:45

I love that. That's so wise. And as, you know, another one that I really liked that you mentioned was planning a topic that you could ask her about so that she would be kind of focused on something positive that she likes to talk about. I love that idea.

SPEAKER_00: 17:00

That's beautiful. Yeah, it was it was good, it really worked. Um, it was really helpful. Isaiah 26, 3. I love this verse. You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast because they trust you. That's that's me. That's my job. This part. The first part is, of course, God's job. He's gonna keep me in perfect peace. But what am I being called to do? Keep my mind steadfast. My mind needs to be renewed ahead of time, and I can experience that perfect peace. As I renew my mind, my trust in the Lord is built. It gets stronger and stronger and stronger. And boy, I love the way that feels. And Colossians 3:15. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts. Since as members of one body, you were called to peace and be thankful. I mean, we are called to peace and we are called to be grateful. We want to let that peace of Christ rule, actually rule in our hearts. It's a beautiful, beautiful truth.

SPEAKER_01: 18:17

Yeah. So, friend, this season, your peace doesn't have to come from having the perfect family or drama-free dinners, right? It comes from knowing and walking with the prince of peace. He has promised that he has given us his peace, and his peace walked with him to the cross. So we know it's good enough for us for sure. His peace he gives us. I love that.

SPEAKER_00: 18:44

I know it's so good, and that means that actually you could be the most calm, peaceful person in the room. Not because the people or circumstances are easy, but because your heart is already anchored in him. Wow. Just imagine that. Just imagine that.

SPEAKER_01: 19:05

I am. Well, thanks for joining us for our holiday survival guide series. And if you want to go deeper, explore our five intentions of spirit-led eating or browse some of our courses and coaching options at revelationwithin.org.

SPEAKER_00: 19:22

Yes. And until next time, renew your mind, walk with the Lord, and don't forget, you are deeply loved. We are so glad you've been here today. We would love to invite you to join us for our next episode of Revelation Within.

SPEAKER_01: 19:49

See you next time. Bye for now.