Welcome And Series Setup

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Hi, and welcome to our podcast, Revelation Within on the Go. I am Heidi Milesma Epherson, one of your hosts, and the owner and lead coach of the Revelation Within Ministry. And I'm Christina Botley, your other host, also a Revelation Within coach, and Heidi's partner in all things Revelation Within. We are so happy to invite you to join us for this episode of Revelation Within. Oh, we're so glad you're here. Come on in. Welcome, welcome. Yeah, yeah. And uh we are in our second episode of a new series, podcast series. It doesn't matter, you can these standalone. So if you didn't catch the first one, you're welcome to just start here anyway. Yes. Or you can obviously go back and catch the first one first, but and the second one second. Yeah, that makes sense. Welcome to our second episode of Loud Longings, Holy God. Um, and this is where Christine and I are encouraging you to bring your loud longings, and we are doing the same honestly before Jesus. What loud longings do we have? Yes. So wherever you are today, friend, whether you're driving as you're hearing this, walking, folding laundry. Yeah, I don't like doing that. Um, or sitting quietly with coffee. Yes, we're really glad you're here, aren't we? Yes, we're so glad you're here.

Breath Prayer Search Me Know Me

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We are before we begin. Let's slow down together again, like we did last time. Let's take a deep breath in. Oh, that feels so good. And slowly exhale. Does feel good. We're gonna do a breath prayer. And uh when we inhale, we're going to say search me, and on the exhale, it will say and know me. And we'll repeat that two or three times. So search me and know me. So let's go ahead and inhale and say search me. Search me, search me, exhale and know me, know me. And inhale. Search me and exhale and know me. One more time. And inhale, search me, search me, search me, and exhale and know me. I love that. That's from Psalm 139, and it's a very bold invitation. Ask God to be close and to search me and know me. I guess that's bold. I love it. Yes, it's beautiful. Well,

Psalm 139 And Being Known

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let's go there right now. Let's go to Psalm, let's go to Psalm 139, verses 1 through 3. Oh Lord, you have searched me. There it is, and known me. You discern my thoughts from afar, you are acquainted with all my ways. Oh my gosh, I love that phrase. You are acquainted with all my ways. Jesus, he's not distant from our inner world. He is familiar with us, he is right there with us, he knows what's going on. All the details, even the parts we barely understand ourselves.

When Cravings Carry Emotional Meaning

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So in our very first episode, we talked about longing and thirst. And we saw that sometimes maybe our longings are not something to be to hide from God, to hide from anybody, including ourselves. But they might actually be leading us into deeper intimacy if we let them. Yes. So today we are gonna go a little bit deeper. Yes. And sometimes the cravings that we experience are not just about the foods that we may be craving, sometimes it's about memory. Yes. Sometimes certain foods, and I know you know what I'm talking about. Me, what? Sometimes certain foods hold entire emotional worlds inside of them. Yeah, I have no experience with this. I don't know what you're talking about. I'm sorry, this is irrelevant to you. In fact, if the listeners are thinking that with you, Christina, oh, I want to urge you all to hang in there a little bit. Yeah, hang in there. So sometimes those emotional worlds might be categorized like a safety celebration. Yeah. Um, maybe for you it might be comfort for a lot of us, it might be being cared for. I know, Christina, you've got experience with people from church and neighbors bringing you guys meals, meals during your sickness. Oh, so many. Wonderful. And um how that just there's so many emotions with people bringing you food, right? Yes, yes, belonging, relief. And what's interesting is even as children, we had these kind of emotional worlds that encapsulated our favorite foods. They became our favorites. Years later, we think we're craving sugar or bread or something salty. When really, really think about it. What if we are just longing for what that experience represented? What if? Yes, well, and I think this is why some cravings feel so emotionally loaded. And like, you know, seriously, this is something, this is probably my biggest obstacle. Um, it has been for many years. I'm doing so much better with it now. But wow, emotionally loaded cravings. Yeah, I have lots of experience with that. It's not just physical hunger, not at all. There's actually a story attached to it, maybe several stories. And honestly, once people begin realizing this, it can bring a lot of compassion into places where there used to be shame. Remember, shame is from the enemy, shame is not from God. We do not want to be living in shame. No way. Uh,

Peanut Butter Cookies And Safety

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yeah. And I had a moment, well, it was a series of moments, really, uh, years ago that really kind of opened my eyes to this. Um, I was going through a season where my hormones were all messed up, totally messed up. I mean, I woke up feeling like I had morning sickness and I was way beyond that. It would have been a miracle if I'd been pregnant. Um, I had intense cravings for peanut butter cookies. Now, anything else I remember that yes, anything else sounded totally nauseating. Um, but I remember thinking, why peanut butter cookies? I mean, I like peanut butter cookies as much as the next girl or guy, but I wasn't even sure that peanut butter cookies were my favorite cookie. And so why was I craving peanut butter cookies? Well, curious compassion or compassionate curiosity. It makes all the difference. Lord, what's going on? Help me understand why I am craving peanut butter cookies. Why did I feel so emotionally attached to them? It made no sense to me. Right. And that, you know, in my time with the Lord, he reminded me of a memory from my childhood. And I had a tumultuous childhood. There's no doubt about it. Yeah. My parents often traveled and they made sure to leave me at home. And that was the kind of kid I was, I guess. Sometimes my cousin's grandma would stay with me. Now, Grandma Bright was not like most of us think of grandmas. Now, I have talked to my cousin about this lately, and he said she was awesome. I did not experience she scared me. She scared me. Okay, she was stern, she was not warm or affectionate in the ways that we normally think a grandma might be. Right. But there were times when she was staying with me that I would come home from school and I could tell from the smell and the looks of things that she had baked peanut butter cookies. You know, she did the crisscross with the fork, you know, little sprinkles of sugar. Yes. And when that happened, the atmosphere felt different. It was peaceful, it was gentle, it was safe. Yeah, and I could still remember that smell, that warmth. Even her smile, what? She's smiling, the feeling that for a moment everything might be okay. And I realized, with God's help, of course, that I wasn't just craving cookies, peanut butter cookies. Right, I was craving that sense of safety and tenderness and comfort and peace. The cookies were in my memory associated and attached to the emotional experience of comfort, peace, safety, and tenderness. Really, it wasn't. I love peanut butter cookies that they're good, but I had I was craving something so much more. Yeah. You know, I just had a thought. I wonder if that if those peanut butter cookies had a similar meaning for her. You know, because if it if it kind of changed the way she was and she was smiling and she was warm and and causing you to feel safe and all cared for and all those things, maybe the same thing had happened to her. Maybe someone else had baked them for her. That's possible. I'm thinking, yeah, tracking with you that she's like, oh my gosh, I'm staying with Heidi for a week. I need something. Oh, I know. No, I wasn't thinking that way. No, I know I bet somebody baked those for her at some point in her life. It could be. Yeah. And that took the grumpies away for her. Yeah. Yeah. Heidi, that is such a powerful story. I really love that story. And you know, I have lots of stories about my grandma too. Um, but she was, my grandma was that kind of person that made me feel so safe. Um, and I have always been drawn to the things that she used to bake for us. I I think so many of our listeners can also recognize themselves in that. Um, I have you and I, Heidi, have talked to so many women over the years that have dealt with this. It's like, whoa, this food is emotionally loaded. That is exactly what it feels like. And the pull is strong. And you know, food often becomes connected to things like holidays. We mentioned grandparents already. How about grief? How about celebration, loneliness, comfort, being seen, being loved? The list could go on and on and on, really.

Jesus As True Comfort And Bread

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Yeah. And you know, here's the thing: I love so much that Jesus doesn't shame us for being attached to comfort. In fact, in fact, he knew we were going to need comfort, so he supplied his Holy Spirit slash the comforter. Right. I don't know that. When I think of my comforter, I usually think of my down blanket that has just the right thread count. I love my down comforter, but the Holy Spirit is intended to be all that and so much more. And you know, Jesus understands human longing, He understands our needs for longing and attachment and being seen and being loved and all of that. He understands that. One of the things I've been reflecting on is how often Jesus shared meals with people, yes, and recorded it for us. That wouldn't have had to be in the Bible, right? He could have skipped the whole issue of food and eating and all of that, but instead, there's these beautiful accounts in the scripture. I love that. Yes, I do too. He met people at tables, he revealed himself and his character at tables, he comforted people at tables. Yeah, and ultimately he kept pointing people beyond physical bread towards something so much deeper. In John 6, Jesus says, I am, it's one of his many I am statements. I am the bread of life. Now, being married to a baker, somebody who formerly did that full time and he was his own boss and all of that. I this puts it in a whole new context for me to have somebody, Jesus, say he is the bread of life. Yes, it's really intimate language. Not I am your teacher. I mean, yes, he is that too. Not I will give you principles, but I myself will nourish you. And how many of us don't get comfort from freshly baked bread? I mean, can you imagine he's the bread of life? Yes. So, and I think that matters so much here. Jesus is not asking us to become detached, emotionless people. I mean, I think I used to wonder about that with myself. I thought, I have way too emotional, I have way too many emotions, and they're all attached to food, and this is ridiculous. I should, there should be a way to just wipe that out. But that that is not at all what the Lord wants for us. He's inviting us into deeper attachment, but to him, not less comfort, but truer comfort, the kind of comfort that goes deep into our hearts and souls, not less nourishment, but deeper nourishment. I think one of the gentlest and beneficial questions we can ask ourselves is what does this comfort represent to me? Not with judgment, like I'm just going to beat myself up for whatever the answer is, right? But curiosity. I know we've said it before and we'll say it again. Really, compassionate curiosity is such a wonderful thing to practice and embrace and invite God into. Once we understand the longing underneath, we can bring that longing honestly to Jesus. And he is eager to show us what that longing actually is, and even more eager for us to bring it to him. Yes. Maybe what we really are aching for is comfort. Again, I know I feel that ache. Maybe it's home. Do you remember, Christina? Uh, a couple years ago when Michael and I were living with his mom, and I was feeling so homeless. Yes, you didn't feel like you were in a home that was yours, a safe home that was yours. Yeah. Yeah, and you coached me through that time. It was it was tough. It was tough because there was something I was missing, and home was the only way I could describe it. Maybe for you it's safety or rest, yeah, connection, care, peace. I know there have been seasons in my life where I have longed for peace. And God has met me in that longing and said, You are human. Your longing for peace is your longing for your perfect heavenly home where peace will be unmatched, yes, unparalleled. You will experience forever. These are not foolish desires, they're deep. They are truly human desires, they're deeply human. Yes, and Jesus is not standing outside of those longings saying, Stop needing. I mean, he's not, and that might sound ridiculous, but how many of us have really felt that way? Like God might be tired of all of our needs, or he might be disappointed. He's not, he's not doing that. Instead, he's saying, Bring your thirst to me, bring your hunger to me. I'm the living water, I am the bread of life. That's what he's saying. Yeah. I want to speak for a moment. Anyone listening, you might feel embarrassed about how emotional certain foods feel to them. You might even feel shame. Yeah. No, no, and we can identify with you for sure. Jesus understands memory, he understands grief, he understands longing, and he is able to meet you and Christina and me, not only in the present moment, but even inside an ache that might be connected to the past. So sometimes healing begins when we stop condemning ourselves for longing and invite Jesus into the places where that longing first

A Binge Triggered By Old Fear

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formed. I have to tell a story here. I remember, and this Jesus walked with me through this to show me what was going on back when we lived on Catalina Island, and I had done some crazy overeating in response to a meeting we had with the camp director. We lived at a camp and COVID was going on, and we were not back in business like we thought we would have been. And suddenly I felt so out of control. We thought things were gonna be working again and money would be coming in again. Right, yeah, it was all gonna be good. Right. I went inside the house after that meeting and I went nuts with uh all kinds of little chocolate candies that you know, like Snickers minis and um similar things anyway. And when I asked the Lord what was going on with me that I hadn't had not experienced, really it was a binge, and I have never been a binge eater exactly. I mean, I've always struggled with overeating, maybe but not in a binge sort of way, and I wonder, what is going on? And he he told me to be curious and compassionate, and he pointed out to me that do you remember those years when mealtimes, dinner were chaotic, they were chaotic and they were scary, and your parents did crazy things to get you to eat, and you felt out of control, and you would sneak. You would sneak after dinner was over and you'd survived it. You would sneak money from your dad's change container and ride your bike to the liquor store and buy candy bars. Do you remember that? And how empowering it was for a child in an abusive situation, you Heidi, this is what God was really showing me. You felt empowered by that, you felt like you had some control over your life, right? And it was good, it was tasty too. Yeah, that makes so much sense, though. So much sense, yeah. I couldn't have figured that out on my own. So as he showed that to me, I was able to see. Oh, so I was feeling some of those same emotions, and I ate in response to it. I ate the same kind of stuff, I didn't have to get on a bike and ride to the liquor store. Right. But I could invite Jesus into that place now, and that longing first formed so at such a young age, and he has shown me that that's often the case with these kinds of things. Yes. So while you were talking, and and even before you were talking, Heidi, I was thinking

The Wedding Dress That Would Not Zip

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about this. And so over the last few days, my daughters and I we've um been looking at wedding dresses just for fun, not for nobody's getting married yet. But both girls have been looking at dresses just for fun. You know how how we do that sometimes. And we've been having a great time with it. Anyway, it took me right back to my own wedding dress story. Um, and I just have to tell it really quick in case it encourages anybody out there who might be feeling embarrassed or shame or anything. Just listen to this. So, anyway, when I was getting ready to marry my husband, I was totally in the throes of overeating. Um, I had struggled with it since I was about 14. I had been on every diet you could think of and every exercise plan and hired nutritionists and counselors, everybody else, but I was stuck in the just in the stronghold of overeating. And so as the wedding came closer, I picked Picked out this absolutely gorgeous dress that I loved. Absolutely loved it. I still have it. And I had to have it altered because it was Southern California. It was going to be like 95 degrees and it had long sleeves. So I took it to this wonderful woman who was going to alter, you know, make short sleeves for me. And all was well. Well, I in in my in my normal way at the time, this was normal for me. I was overeating due to all kinds of emotions. I was scared. I was excited. I was celebrating. I was scared. I know I said that one already. I was stressed. I was trying to put it all together. It was a very stressful time for many, many reasons that I won't get into, you know, relationships and my parents, all kinds of things. Anyway, so I go back to have my last fitting of the dress. And the this wonderful alterations woman could not zip it. She could not zip it up. I mean, it was not even possible to zip it up. You know how sometimes if you really pull and you really suck it in, but I it was not even possible. It was like this huge gap because I had been eating for emotional reasons. I was longing for so many things. And I was acting that out with food. And she looked at me and I looked at her, and I just I burst into tears. And I was like, what are we gonna do now? You know, and anyway, she was amazing. She was a miracle worker, and she said, I can take apart the entire bodice and I can I can make this work. Um, and she did. It was a miracle. She took, you know, it had all those little bones in it, and it had all the little the little pleats and everything, and she was able to take the whole thing apart. Of course, I paid her for all of that. And when my wedding day came, it zipped. It was snug, but it breathed, but that's okay. Yeah, it was really, really snug, but it fit and it thank god it didn't burst open or anything. But you know what? That was such an example for me of here I am, you know, getting ready for this huge, huge, huge life-changing event. And my emotions were, I mean, the food was loaded with emotions, just loaded. Everything wasn't even a specific food. I was eating everything in sight. So, anyway, just in case, in case you're you have, you know, an embarrassing story, I just wanted to share that because we we get it, Heidi and I. We totally get it. Whether it's the peanut butter cookies or the dress that doesn't zip or the chocolate candy. The chocolate candies, we get it. And just remember, there's something, there's something going on that goes deeper than just that piece of food in your hand. It goes so much deeper, and God knows and he understands, and he wants to meet us there. He does.

A Gentle Practice And Closing Prayer

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So this week, when a nostalgic craving surfaces, and you're like, Oh my gosh, this food is loaded with emotion. Pause gently and ask what story might be attached to this, and then simply pray, Jesus, meet me inside of this memory, meet me here. Not to erase it, no, no, no, not to shame it, absolutely not, but to let him be present there with you. Let's pray for a minute, Lord Jesus. Thank you that you know our stories completely. Thank you, Lord, that you are gentle with the places in us that still ache for comfort, for safety, for tenderness, and peace, and all the other things we crave. Teach us not to fear our longing, Lord, but to bring it to you and show us where food has become attached to deeper emotional needs. Meet us there with compassion. Yes, be our true bread of life, be our comfort, be our peace, and be our home, please. In your name, amen. Amen. And you know, wherever longing feels tender for you this week, may you discover that Jesus is already there, and his arms are open wide, he is full of compassion and understanding. We are so glad that you've been here today, and we would love to invite you to our next episode of Revelation Within. We'll see you next time. Bye for now. Bye bye.