Welcome And Loud Longings Theme

SPEAKER_02 0:02

Welcome to our podcast, Revelation Within on the Go. I'm Heidi Bilesman Emerson, one of your hosts, and the owner and leading coach of the Revelation Within Ministry.

SPEAKER_01 0:13

And I'm Christina Motley, your other host, also a Revelation Within Coach, and Heidi's partner in all things Revelation Within. And we are so happy to invite you to join us for this episode of Revelation Within.

SPEAKER_02 0:38

Welcome back to Loud Longings, Holy God. It's our series that we are kind of interjecting into life right now because it feels like God wants us to go there. So often we have these tendencies to want to escape some things in life. We have longings to escape. And what difference does it make that there is a holy God standing with us and beside us with arms open wide? What does he have to say to us? And what is he urging and encouraging us with? Um, and so that's kind of what we've been exploring. We've looked a little bit at longing, um, some at attachment. Surrender last time was surrender, and then the ways that Jesus meets us beneath our cravings, we're willing to go there. Yeah. So today we're talking about something beautifully simple, and you're gonna be surprised when I tell you what it is. It's just staying.

SPEAKER_00 1:46

What just staying?

SPEAKER_02 1:49

What are you talking about? Think about what it's not, it's not fixing, it's not escaping, it's not reacting, it's staying, and we'll explain more of that as we go on. Yeah, I really think this may be one of the most important practices we can learn as followers of Jesus. I get these impulses sometimes, and they seem so powerful, and I if I give into them, I'm like, ah, nuts. Why did I do

Breath Prayer And John 15

SPEAKER_02 2:20

that? So just so that we're in the sane head space as we launch into this conversation before we begin. Let's just slow down a little bit together.

SPEAKER_01 2:31

Christina, let's take a slow breath, breathe in. Breathe out. We're gonna go ahead and do a breath prayer. We're gonna inhale and say, stay with me, and we're gonna exhale and say, and I will stay with you. So let's take a nice deep breath. Inhale. Stay with me. Exhale and I will stay with you. Let's do that again. Inhale, nice deep breath. Stay with me. And I will stay with you. Let's do one more. Inhale. Stay with me and exhale. I will stay with you. Today's scripture comes from John fifteen verses four and five. Abide in me and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine, you are the branches, whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit. So one word that stands out to me every time I read this passage is abide. And that's not really a word that we use very much, you know, where it's like, come on over and abide with me and we'll have a cup of coffee. I mean, we don't really do that. We don't really use that word, but I love abide here while I run inside. Yeah, exactly. We don't really, we don't really do it, but it is a beautiful word. It means to remain, it means to stay, continue, not strive, not perform,

When Urges Feel Permanent

SPEAKER_01 4:45

not prove, but remain.

SPEAKER_02 4:49

Hmm. You know, one of the discoveries that changed so much for me was realizing that urges only feel permanent.

SPEAKER_01 5:01

Right. They sure do.

SPEAKER_02 5:04

Yes. And when they show up, they can feel incredibly convincing. It's like the world is going to fall into pieces.

SPEAKER_00 5:14

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 5:15

If I draw, yes, yes. They tell us you need relief right now, right now, right now. No, we mean right now, right now. They also tell us you can't tolerate this, whatever this is. You just can't. You can't do this. You can't. Have you ever said that? I can't do this.

SPEAKER_01 5:34

Yeah, I can't do this. I I'm out of here. Um, I'm exiting stage right. Yeah. Stage left.

SPEAKER_02 5:42

Either is fine.

SPEAKER_01 5:44

Okay. Yeah. You just you feel like you're, it's almost a panicked feeling, frantic. You just you've got to get out of the situation as quick as possible.

SPEAKER_02 5:54

Another way it might come is this feeling is too much. It's just too much. It's I'm being undone. Right.

SPEAKER_01 6:02

It's overwhelming me or it's consuming me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:05

That might be something that feels like another way we think of it is it's not gonna go away. It's not, it's not gonna go away. It's never gonna go away.

SPEAKER_01 6:14

Right, yes. True, so true.

SPEAKER_02 6:17

And and really, if I'm honest, and chances are if you're honest, many of us have spent years, years believing those messages. This has to stop right now.

SPEAKER_01 6:33

Yeah, I mean, I know I have, and what I've discovered is that feelings often feel permanent in the moment, you know, like you said, it's never gonna change.

unknown 6:44

Ah!

SPEAKER_01 6:46

But they rarely are, and that is actually what is true. Uh, what happens is an urge rises, it comes up, an emotion rises, a craving rises, it feels really, really strong. Yes, in the moment, but if we stay present long enough, well, something kind of interesting happens, it shifts, it moves, it changes. It always does. It it doesn't stay the same.

SPEAKER_02 7:17

Yeah, it

The Wave Pattern Of Cravings

SPEAKER_02 7:18

doesn't. And and really, one of the pictures that has helped me most is the image of a wave. Now, I had the privilege of living on Catalina Island for three years with my husband. I did. Oh my goodness. It was awesome. We had a lot of experience with waves. Yeah. In terms of, you know, when do you want to take a boat out? When do you want to keep at home? When do you want to? I mean, all kinds of things. Where do you want to moor it or do you want to moor it? Right. You want to swim. Uh, lots of reasons to get to know the way the waves work. And living on Catalina Island, there were times when the waves were so intense that they had to cancel the ferry to get from Long Beach to Catalina Island. And anyway, I so this image really helps me with this idea of um urges that rise. Um, one, so this picture, an image of a wave. A wave rises. Think of how the wave gets kind of it's almost like it's building strength. You can see it kind of swell, yeah, and it gets stronger, and then it reaches a peak, and then it falls. And you know, many of us have never watched an entire wave, the building of the wave and the cresting and so forth. And sometimes we haven't in our own lives either. When urge rises up like that wave, what do we do? We interrupt it, and we've just kind of become accustomed to interrupting that urge. The moment discomfort appears, we reach for the solution. Whatever it is that we've learned will stop it, it'll stop it. You know, food, food is often one um, scrolling, busyness, planning, control, whatever our particular escape route may be, that might be what we turn to as that wave is swelling. And and really, when you think about it, because we interrupt that wave so quickly, our brains start believing something that isn't entirely true. Which, yeah, it's tricky. I cannot survive this feeling.

SPEAKER_01 9:40

I cannot survive this feeling, and so and so we don't, we don't bother, we stop it. Yeah, we feel like I mean, I've heard myself so many times say, I can't do this, right? And Heidi, you and I have texted that to each other before. I can't do this, like this is this is beyond what I can handle. This is a lie. Is that true? I mean, it's a lie. So, but what if what if we can? What if we can? What if Jesus can hold us inside of that moment? And what if the urge isn't actually the emergency that it feels like? I mean, I know, I know it feels so strong in the moment. I get that, and our emotions come up and it's overwhelming. But what if the invitation is not to eliminate it, but to stay present with the Lord in

White Knuckling Versus Abiding

SPEAKER_01 10:38

it? It's the difference between white knuckling and abiding. You know that white knuckling where it's like, okay, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it. And we just we don't feel strong at all. We don't feel equipped at all. Sometimes we can do it, sometimes we can't, but abiding is different.

SPEAKER_02 11:00

Yeah, it is. I really think that this is where a lot of us get confused when we start talking about abiding or resisting or whatever it might be. Resisting and abiding aren't the same at all. We've tried resisting, we've tried staying put and not heading for the cabinet or whatever it might be. But what we were really doing then was right-knuckling it. It's like we're trying to be strong, right, mature women of God, buck up, pull yourself together. Yes, we're trying to endure, we're trying to resist, we're trying to be stronger, trying to hold ourselves together.

SPEAKER_01 11:40

Well, that's simply exhausting, isn't it? Yeah, it is. My my mom used to say all the time, pull yourself together. That was one of her phrases that just came up in my mind. Of course, she's in heaven now. Um, anyway, white knuckling. I mean, you're right, Heidi. It says, I must survive this, I must be strong enough, I've got to figure this out. I must resist. But abiding says something very, very different. Abiding says, Jesus and I are staying here together. That I mean, wow, what a difference, right?

SPEAKER_02 12:25

Yes, yes. When I think of all the times that I did not abide, did not stay, and no condemnation, I'm not gonna go there. That's that's not where Jesus wants me to go with it. But I wonder what did I miss out on by not abiding with Jesus? And I don't want to miss out on that anymore. I want, I mean, it really is a huge distinction, you know, this white knuckling idea or abiding, waiting with Jesus and for Jesus. You know, white knuckling depends on who?

SPEAKER_01 12:58

Me, me, and yikes, because I don't have what I I don't have what it takes in those moments.

SPEAKER_02 13:05

Absolutely not, and abiding depends on his presence. You know, white knuckling says, I can do this, I can, I really can do this, and abiding says, Jesus, I need you. Yes, you yeah, white knuckling is self-reliance, and abiding is relationship. I've always struggled with this, you know, John chapter 15, abide in me and I'll abide in you, and da-da-da. I didn't really get what abiding was. I'm like, but what is it, Jesus? What is it? It's having relationship with him in the midst of those temptations to run to other things, it's staying put. Really? Right. Jesus never said try harder. No, he said, abide in me, abide in me. Just stay with me, put your feet up, lean your head against my chest. That would be hard to do at the same time. And just let me hold you.

SPEAKER_01 14:04

You know, I'm gonna go look that up because I feel like I've heard that my whole life, that I'm supposed to try harder. Yeah, I mean, right? That's the message that we hear all the time. Try harder, try it again. Let's go, do it yourself, pull yourself together. And so this message is so beautiful. It's such a relief to know that Jesus is not pressuring us in that way, He is waiting with great expectation for us to come to Him so that He can carry all the heavy stuff on his shoulders. I mean, oh, that feels so good to hear.

Jesus In The Boat Storm

SPEAKER_01 14:48

So when I think about staying with Jesus in the wave, I think about the disciples in the storm. Okay, let's go to this story. The storm was real, it was happening, it was a real storm. The weather was scary, the boat was like going all over the body. The tiny ship was tossed. Exactly. That's what was happening. Um, the wind was very real, the waves were absolutely real. It's not just a story, this was happening. And who was in the boat? Jesus was. He was there, he was in the boat.

SPEAKER_02 15:28

I love that story because the disciples weren't afraid because Jesus was absent, right? And because he was right there, he was right there. They were afraid because his presence didn't seem like it was enough, really. Right, yes. I can relate to that. I I had I hate to admit it because I'm supposed to be more mature than this, but I can relate to that.

SPEAKER_01 15:50

Yeah, there have wasn't he sleeping, yes.

SPEAKER_02 15:54

In one of the stories, he was sleeping.

SPEAKER_01 15:56

I mean, seriously, really, he was sleeping while the boat is tossing and the the disciples are afraid.

SPEAKER_02 16:06

Well, there have been moments when I have thought, Lord, I know you're here, but I still want relief, I still want to get it, I still need it. It's still it's still too much for me, and maybe you felt that way too. Um gosh, just this morning I was reading a verse um from the Psalms about whom have I in heaven bit you, and earth has nothing else I desire besides you. And if I can be honest, and this is scary to admit, but I'm going to admit it because it's true, and I think God can use it, and I know somebody somewhere feels like this. There have been times when I have thought that doesn't feel true for me. Earth has lots of things I desire besides the Lord, and and they're more immediate in their gratification. Now, that's the thing though. He his his meeting of my need is with himself, it's not with a trick, it's not with a seven steps to this, it's not with a substitute, it's not with here's a way to bypass the craving and do this instead. Maybe maybe wanting relief in spite of the fact that Jesus is present with you. Maybe you felt that way too. And maybe you've known Jesus was present with you, his presence was real in that moment, but still you desperately wanted the discomfort to stop. It's like, yeah, yeah, Jesus, I'll get to you, but make this go away. I need this to go away. That's, I think, a very human place to be.

SPEAKER_01 17:44

Absolutely. Well, and what comforts me is that Jesus wasn't angry or disappointed or impatient with the disciples, not at all. He didn't shame them, he just met them. I mean, you can imagine what he could have said. He could have said, You guys, are you kidding me? I'm right here in the boat. What's wrong with you? Don't you have enough faith? What's going on here? You know, stop trying to white knuckle it. But instead, he met them and he meets us too again and again. And again. Not because we're calm. Yeah, and again, not because we're strong, but because we're his, because we belong to him.

SPEAKER_02 18:32

That's so sweet. And what we find, and we've said it already so far, but abiding is relational. It's it's really between Jesus and me, and Jesus and you.

SPEAKER_00 18:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:46

I think one of the most important truths in our whole loud longing, holy god series is this that abiding is relational. It's not a technique. Like I said, it's not a formula, you're right, not a self-improvement strategy.

SPEAKER_01 19:06

Good, because I'm done with those. Yeah. I don't need another one of those.

SPEAKER_02 19:11

You know, in Hebrews, I think it's in chapter 12, where it tells us that Jesus is the author and perfect of our faith who, for the joy set before him, endured the cross and scorned the shame. What was the joy set before him that that verse speaks of? It was us, it was relationship with us for eternity, now in eternity. It's relationship. Sometimes we hear abide and we immediately think about something else entirely, but Jesus is talking about connection, yes, communion that joyset before him was that oneness and with you-ness, yeah, with us, communion, dependence, friendship, the the kind of friends who make breakfast together on the beach and go on hikes together and drive in bugs together. He really is inviting us to remain, to remain, and it's not it's not a rebuking sort of invitation, it is not a sit down and pull yourself together and be still with me, and let me love you, let me love you.

SPEAKER_01 20:27

That is so good, so beautiful. Um, and that's why I love how Jesus describes himself in John 15. You know, he doesn't say study the vine or admire the vine or understand the vine. He says remain connected because life flows through connection, not performance.

SPEAKER_02 20:55

Hmm, that's a relief.

SPEAKER_01 20:57

Yeah, it's so good, beautiful.

SPEAKER_02 21:00

I had a friend once who would always ask me, Well, Heidi, have you had a productive day? And it always seemed like I was supposed to grade myself on my performance. And was I good enough today? Because I, you know, I would say, I had a great day. I had a good day, but did you

Presence In The Middle Of It

SPEAKER_02 21:20

have a productive day? I'm a very useful engine, as Thomas the Tank engine would say. Yeah. I wonder what would happen if the next time an urge rises for you, for me, instead of asking, ah, how do I make this stop? We asked, Jesus, how do I stay with you here? What if we became curious instead of panicked? What if we became present instead of reacting? What if we discovered that Jesus actually is enough in the middle of the wave? Not after it passes, but in the middle of it. Have you ever gotten caught in the middle of a wave? Yes. My sister lived in La Jolla when I was young, like fifth grade. I'd go visit her and then I'd go body surfing. She was really good at it. I was not. I was not. For me, and this is without any device of any kind to hang on to. This is just body surfing. She taught me all kinds of things, and I never learned them, I guess, because every time I would get, I'd start to get pushed along by the wave like you're supposed to when you body surf. And then I would get tumbled. Yeah. And felt like I was in a washing machine. Yes. Never come up. It's like exactly. Yeah. And I love the idea that Jesus is with us in the middle of the wave. I don't think it's as turbulent as that experience was, but he's right there in the middle of it.

SPEAKER_01 23:11

Well, I was raised in Southern California and we went to the beach all the time. And we did call that the washing machine. Because if you didn't get just in the right place, now we all used boogie boards, not surfboards, but boogie boards. Um, I was not, yeah, body surfing was really tough. I couldn't figure that one out. But with the boogie board, I was really good. I mean, I could figure out just where to get on that wave and the timing and everything. Um, but if the timing was wrong, you would get crushed. And you didn't know, you didn't know what was up, what was down, yeah. Where what was where's the sky? Where's the sand below? You were just tumbling. Um, but the waves always pass. The waves always pass, they always do. So imagining that Jesus is with us, imagine that he's actually with us in the middle of the wave where things are crazy and we don't know what's up and down. That's where transformation begins. Not when every urge disappears or we try to replace. Have you ever done that where you have an urge and you try to replace it with something else? It just doesn't help. You just want more and more. But when we learn that Jesus is present inside of the wave, inside of the urge, that's where the transformation happens.

SPEAKER_02 24:41

Wow, think about that for a minute. Jesus is present inside of the urge. Yeah. Yes. Before you and I started recording podcasts today, I had some time with him, and I was spending time in the workbook that we have, Loud Longings, Holy God. And I had a really weird insight. I have to say weird because I haven't fully processed it yet. So, but it was what if the urge to escape inside of me is an urge not to escape things I always want to escape, you know, whatever. But also the way I have been handling my urge to escape. What does that make sense? I mean, think about that. Yeah, if I have been handling my urges to escape, not stay or not abide with Jesus by watching shows that are, you know, like X-files for me. Come on, Heidi. There's a lot of real weird stuff in those. I don't need to be watching that. What if I am getting that feeling I need to escape? It's not going away now, yeah. Because of what I'm using to escape from the feelings that came earlier.

SPEAKER_01 25:55

Does that make sense? It's like, oh, it does. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:58

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:00

Wow, that's a big one. That's a huge insight.

SPEAKER_02 26:03

Yeah, it is. I have no idea what's gonna come of unpacking it, but he'll be with me in that too, as well.

SPEAKER_01 26:10

So definitely

One Breath And Stay Practice

SPEAKER_01 26:12

he will.

SPEAKER_02 26:13

So this week, um, we want to encourage you and ourselves, of course, too. When a longing rises or an urge, just to try something simple. Let's dial it down a little bit. Just pause and take one slow breath. Can we do that? Can we do that? I think I don't know. I'm gonna try it again. And and notice, notice where you feel the urge in your body. Our bodies are amazing. God has fearfully and wonderfully made us, and our bodies remember all kinds of things, and they can do all kinds of things because he made them that way. And so notice where the urge lands in your body to get up and do whatever instead of staying and waiting in that moment of discomfort. Maybe it's your chest, maybe it's in your stomach, maybe it's in your throat, maybe it's in your shoulders, and then pray, Jesus, I'm staying. I'm staying. Yes. And then pause and ask him, Jesus, stay with me. And then don't rush this, but just sit in it. Don't perform, don't worry about that, don't evaluate. Just stay, just remain, just abide.

SPEAKER_01 27:39

Wow. Yeah, it sounds it sounds doable. It sounds scary, but yeah. Well, it depends on what you're facing, but yeah, oh, I mean, in so many ways, it sounds so much better than running after that craving, which is gonna just lead you to wanting more. Yeah, you know, and we've we've all experienced that a hundred million times. I know I have.

Closing Prayer And Farewell

SPEAKER_01 28:07

I'm gonna go ahead and pray, Lord Jesus. Thank you that you remain with us, that you do not leave us alone when those waves rise. Teach us, Lord, to abide, teach us to stay, teach us to trust your presence more than our urgency. And help us, Lord, discover that you are enough in the middle of every wave, even when we're spinning around and around and completely overwhelmed. Lord, grow us in the fruit that comes from remaining connected to you. We don't want to miss that, not through striving, not through self-effort, but through abiding with you. We love you, Jesus, and I pray in your name, amen. Amen. Amen. Oh, well, thanks for joining us. We are so glad that you've been here today, and we would love for you to join us for our next episode of Revelation Within.