Revelation Within On the Go!
Revelation Within equips people with life-giving, grace-infused mind renewal tools to deepen their intimacy with Jesus so that counterfeit comforts (like overeating) lose their allure, and the joy and hope of Jesus fills their lives, satisfying their souls.
In our podcast we talk about mind renewal, tips and tricks for getting and staying free from counterfeit comforts like overeating (over-scrolling, over-drinking, over-anythinging...)
We began as Thin Within in 1975, a pioneer in intuitive, mindful eating back when diets were in their hey day! Thin Within has taught people how to tune in to their body's natural signals of hunger and satisfaction, remaining present with their meals and delighting in tastes and textures--and the Lord!
In the 1980s, Thin Within became a Christian ministry, showing people that the emptiness that they have felt and often filled with food that their bodies don't require, was really placed in there to be filled full with God through Jesus. He wants to set us free from all strongholds!
We rebranded our ministry and our podcast in 2023 to Revelation Within.
Join us!
Visit us in our RevWithin.Team community as well! (https://revwithin.team)
Find our listing of classes at https://www.revelationwithin.org
Revelation Within On the Go!
What Are You Really Seeking?
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Sometimes our lives look “fine” on the outside while we feel ruled on the inside by pressure, cravings, people-pleasing, and the belief that we have to earn rest. In this episode, we get practical about boundaries as loving limits that protect our freedom—especially when food, body image, exercise, and coping habits become tangled up with shame and urgency. We begin with movement and exercise, talking honestly about how easy it is to use workouts to repay eating, chase worthiness, or push through pain. From there, we explore “counterfeit comforts” like scrolling, streaming, shopping, overworking, alcohol, and reassurance-seeking. One of the simplest tools we return to is the pause: before we reach for the next distraction or comfort, we stop, name what we’re feeling, ask, “What am I hoping to receive?”, and invite God into the moment so we can choose rather than simply react.
We also talk about boundaries with our time, relationships, and rest, including practical words we can use when we encounter pressure, disrespect, harsh tones, or yelling. We explore how over-explaining can become an attempt to manage someone else’s opinion and how Galatians 6 helps us distinguish between carrying another person’s burdens and taking responsibility for their load. And because productivity culture often teaches us that we can rest only after everything is finished—which is basically never—we come back to the importance of receiving rest without having to earn it. We close with five discernment questions to bring to God, helping us recognize the difference between healthy boundaries and fear-based walls, punishment, or control.
If this conversation helps you, subscribe, share it with a friend who needs a grace-filled “no,” and leave a review so more people can find the podcast.
Learn more about our Revelation Within Community: https://www.revelationwithin.org
Welcome And Why Boundaries Matter
SPEAKER_01Hi, and welcome to our podcast, Revelation Within on the Go. I'm Heidi Fielsma Epherson, one of your hosts, and the owner and lead coach of Revelation Within.
SPEAKER_00And I'm Christina Motley, your other host, also a Revelation Within coach, and Heidi's partner in all things Revelation Within. We are so happy to invite you to join us for this episode of Revelation Within. Oh, love it. Love it. We love that you're here.
SPEAKER_01Come on in. We're so glad you come on in. We've been talking about boundaries lately, and uh, we're gonna continue that conversation today. Yes, boundaries. Yeah, boundaries. It's important.
SPEAKER_00So go for it, Christina. What's on your mind today? Well, so we've been our in our last podcast, we talked about all kinds of different boundaries in our lives. And so we're just gonna kind of pick up where we left off. If you didn't hear that one, you might want to go back and listen.
Movement Without Punishment
SPEAKER_00Um, but we're gonna start today with movement. Movement, activity, whatever you want to call it. Some people might say exercise. I kind of like movement and activity, actually. But anyway, it's another area where boundaries may protect freedom. Yeah. So what do I mean by that? Someone with a history of compulsive exercise, for example, may need a boundary list that says, I will not use movement to compensate for food. Oh, I used to do that all the time. I'm like, oh, I can't believe I just ate so much. I better get out there and do this, that, or the other, and I better do it fast and long and intense. And then it didn't work, of course. And it's kind of an awful pressure to put on yourself. Or here's another statement that might resonate with some of you out there. I will not exercise through significant pain or illness. That's something that I have done that. Yes, and I know you have too, Heidi. You know, pushing through. I'm just gonna push through. I'm I can do it. I gotta do it. If I don't do it, what's gonna happen? You know, that kind of thing. Yeah, fear-based. And then how about this one? I will include rest.
SPEAKER_02What's that?
SPEAKER_00What's rest? Yay, for rest. I mean, that that is not something that is valued in our culture. Where is it? Is it Spain where they take a siesta every afternoon?
SPEAKER_01I don't know if that's real or not.
SPEAKER_00I feel like I should live there. You know, rest, it's like everybody says, go, go. How much did you get done today? Or yeah, like that. That friend of yours, Heidi, who said, How productive was your day today? Or did you have a productive day? Yeah. What about rest? Do our bodies need rest? That's actually a big deal. It is. Um, how about this one? I will not call movement worthless simply because it was gentle or brief. Whoa, that's a good one. That one hits home for me.
SPEAKER_01Do you remember when I came back from the hospital after my stay in the rehab program so that I could gain some strength back? And I would move my body and I would call it a wimpy workout. And you'd say, Ah, we're, you know, outlawing that statement. It was instead. Do you remember what you called it instead? Wise and wonderful.
unknownYes.
SPEAKER_01But for me, it was like I wanted to be able to do more. I always had been able to do more. You know, these things that we've been talking about just now, it's so interesting. I used to use exercise as my bulimic tool, you could say. Yeah. Because I would, I would, I was training for a marathon, and and it's true, you can eat just about anything you want when you're running 45 miles or more each week. And I did. It's like crazy. Oh my gosh. And yeah. Anyhow, um, so another person may need a boundary around avoidance rather than doing too much. Perhaps she's been waiting to feel completely motivated before moving at all. Right. Yeah. Her loving boundary might be okay, once each day, I can at least offer my body five minutes of gentle movement and remain open to doing more. You know, that sounds like a good idea. Yeah, definitely a good first step. Yeah. The same boundary, and and that this is important to know the same boundary is not gonna serve everyone. It's just not. We're different people, and God meets us in different ways. And really, that's why we need the Holy Spirit's leadership, his guidance, and we want our movement and our eating and our lives to be spirit-led.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so what is true here? Joyful movement is not punishment, it's not punishment. Well, then it wouldn't be joyful anyway, but I mean it's it's not, and it's also not repayment for eating, right? It's not a way to force the body into worthiness. No, it's not. Oh, those are such good truths. How about this one? It is an opportunity to partner with the body that we have today, right now, today. So, so important.
SPEAKER_01I was years and years and years and years ago, I was a Weight Watcher, uh, official Weight Watcher, and I got my lifetime membership and ooh, and oh, it was amazing. Just kidding. There's a long story behind that, which I won't tell right now. But when they switched to counting, I don't even remember exactly how they did it, but they switched to counting exercise in some way, adding more points to your life. I I'm like, oh, I would have done really well with that approach, but it was after my time. Anyway, oh goodness.
Counterfeit Comforts And The Pause
SPEAKER_01So, what about having boundaries around counterfeit comforts? You know, at Revelation Within, we do speak a lot about counterfeit comforts. Food can certainly be a counterfeit comfort, but so can shopping and scrolling and streaming things and alcohol, overworking, or or even constantly seeking reassurance. I'm really bad at this. I constantly, there's certain people in my life that I want to know that they're noticing that I'm doing amazing things. And I need that reassurance or something. Um, a boundary, though, around a counterfeit comfort doesn't have to begin with, I'm never gonna do this again. It may just simply begin with a pause. Tell us an example, Christina.
SPEAKER_00Okay, yes. Here's an example. Before I open the grocery delivery app, I'm gonna pause and name what I'm feeling.
SPEAKER_01Ooh, ooh, that's good. Because have you ever gone into like the Walmart grocery delivery app or whatever it is called and go in there and got stuck in one of the aisles of the grocery store that you would not normally walk down. Uh-huh. Yes, yes. Just started ordering everything. I tell you what, you know, when I started getting deliveries from Walmart, I began to be really convicted about the things that they were leaving me. Oh my gosh. A little kid with a big pocket book lives here.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, well, and it's true that, you know, the app of the grocery store quickly figures out what you're interested in, what you would like, or what you maybe would like that you wish you wouldn't like, or I don't know, right? And all of a sudden they're sending you, would you like this? Oh, you liked this before. Maybe you'd like more of this. Or we think you're gonna like these items too. Yeah. Oh, yeah. How about these items? These kind of are in the same category, and it it is kind of like, oh, like the grocery app has figured me out. What is going on with this? Oh my gosh. Anyway, here's another one. This one I think is really good, and it's one that's convicting me right now. Before I begin scrolling on any kind of social media, whatever it is where you go to, not maybe not everybody is doing this, but it does seem like 99% of Americans are doing this. Yep. Before, before, pause for a second, ask, what am I hoping to receive? Whoa. What and I I want to ask the Lord that question because I don't really know. A lot of the times I don't know. But if I ask him, he will give me an answer. I think that one is really powerful. I'm gonna do that one today.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_00How about this? When I feel the urge to keep eating after satisfaction, I will take two minutes to bring my need to God. Wow. I mean, two minutes is that's pretty long. You know, we could just do 10 seconds, but yeah, just don't worry about starting at two minutes. If you want to try that one, start at 10 seconds. Yeah, just take a baby step.
SPEAKER_01Right. Pausing it all is gonna be a great stride forward. Um, and that's what we want to encourage us all to do. Just start with a pause and bring that urge and the you know, asking God, what is this about? And what do I hope to receive? The pause is not punishment, it creates space for choice. And and as free Christian people, Jesus wants us to relish the fact that we have choice every every moment we have choice, really. Without the pause, the behavior ends up feeling automatic, like I'm an autopilot or something. It does.
SPEAKER_00And we feel like I can't do anything about this. I'm stuck. And that's a lie from the pit, right? It is, yes, it is. That's not true, no way, not true.
SPEAKER_01But with the pause, we can at least ask, what do I really need? What am I really feeling the need for right now? Am I looking for relief or comfort, reward, or escape, or maybe even connection? And Lord, how would you like to meet me here? That's the most important part. Remember that part, Lord. How would you like to meet me here as I'm preparing to launch into what will amount to two hours of scrolling before I realize what I've done, or whatever it might be.
SPEAKER_00Well, and you might you might be thinking, does it really matter? What's the big deal? Everybody's doing it. It's just like, you know, sitting there. And I mean, it's just not, I don't know. I honestly, I can speak for myself. It has taken me to places that I need to not go.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Me too.
SPEAKER_00And it is filling, it fills my mind with uh thoughts and pressures and fears and all kinds of stuff where God is like, Where are you going, Christina? Where are you going in your thoughts? Come back to me. Come back to me. You know, and there's certainly shows that we can enjoy, there's videos that we can enjoy, but we can still choose those or the snack, um, or you know, purchasing that one thing that you've been looking at for a while, that kind of thing. But now what we're doing is we're choosing rather than being swept along, rather than just letting it happen. We're actually choosing, we're making the choice. Oh, you know, I've been looking at this item for the last, you know, few weeks. This is the right thing, this is what I need for this situation. I'm gonna buy it. Instead of buy, buy, buy, buy now, buy now. And you're and you're hitting the button, and it's like, oh, what did I just do? We don't even have the money for that right now.
SPEAKER_01Ah oh my goodness. Yeah, that's a big one for many of us.
Time Boundaries And Over-Availability
SPEAKER_01Well, and and some of us may need boundaries in other areas uh as well, or instead, maybe we've confused love with being available to people all the time. So every request may feel like an assignment from God.
SPEAKER_00Right, right.
SPEAKER_01Every task I used to feel seems urgent, so I have to respond. Respond right away now, now, now, and maybe every unmet need feels like it's my responsibility to deal with it and help me and and you meet the need.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that feels just you talking that way, Heidi, it feels so heavy. I'm like, my shoulders are being pushed down. I'm so sorry. No, because that is so so true and so real. Um, so what would a boundary sound like for someone struggling with that? I do not respond to non-urgent messages after eight o'clock. How about that? Yeah, you could set a time boundary. You can kind of clock out for the day. That could be one. Or how about this one? I need time to pray and check my calendar before I commit. Amen. Oh, I need that one too. I how why is it that I need all of these? Okay, how about this one? This is good. I am not available for that responsibility. Wow. That one really packs a punch. Okay, here's a good one. I care about you, but I'm not able to help in that way. Not right now. It's okay. Is it okay to say that, Heidi? Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Well, now we can say it to ourselves and and then evaluate with the Lord if it's something we actually say to a person because I care about you, but I am not able to help you in that way. Can sound really harsh, depending upon. I mean, they're on the highway needing help and they're scared because the highway traffic is like going by at lightning speed. And you know, I mean, that's just so yeah, use discernment, invite God into it.
SPEAKER_00Discernment, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Jesus does tell us to let our yes be yes and our no be no. If you find yourself giving really long, lengthy explanations, like, well, this and this, and then I had to do this and this, and that's why I couldn't show up for you for that. Probably that's not letting your yes be yes and your no be no.
SPEAKER_00And it doesn't go over well.
SPEAKER_01No, it doesn't. And really, if we're honest, sometimes over-explaining is really our way of trying to manage the other person's opinion of us. That's true, and that's just totally being pretty self-absorbed. Uh anyway, and and that way we hope if we if we give them enough reasons, they're gonna approve of our no. But the person may remain disappointed, and we have to be okay with that. We can be kind without making their approval a requirement, you know?
SPEAKER_00Yes. Remember, Heidi, when I first started coaching with you 12 years ago, um, do you remember that I was like under all this pressure I that I had put on myself? Yeah, I had said yes to this and yes to this, and I'll do this and I'll be on the team, and I'll bake those cookies and I'll do this, and I'll I'll pick up your kid and your kid, and I'll do. Do you remember that?
SPEAKER_01I do, and all while you were caring for your mother-in-law at home, yes, and while you had a husband who is so much fun, but has a lot of he's very active, and you had a child in each. You had a high school kid, no, a junior high kid, a high school kid, and an elementary school kid, each with their activities and friends. And it's like, oh, and you worked. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Oh, yeah. I was working as a teacher. I know. And I was like, oh, Heidi, you know, I'm just feeling all this pressure and and I'm just, you know, eating to compensate for the pressure or whatever I said. I don't remember. But you said, okay, I'm gonna give you an assignment. You are gonna write out all of your responsibilities, everything you have said yes to, and then you're gonna cross out the ones that you do not feel called to. Ask God to help you with this. Yep.
SPEAKER_01You have to remember that.
SPEAKER_00That was one of those milestone moments in my life because I was like, oh, I've done this to myself.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Right? I mean, yes, I had a lot going on that God called me to. Yes. He called me to parent my kids, yes. He called me to take care of my mother-in-law who was in hospice care upstairs, yes. He was calling me to work, yes, all those things. But then there were like 50 million other things that I thought he had called me to. And he said, nope, not that one, nope, uh, nope, that wasn't me. Nope. Didn't call you to that. No, uh, I no way, not that one. Nope, that was you. So anyway, ah, so many important milestones.
Relational Limits Without Rescuing
SPEAKER_00Okay, let's talk a little bit about relational boundaries. Those might be needed when someone repeatedly speaks disrespectfully. Okay, or manipulates, pressures, threatens, or ignores expressed limits. Wow, I think both Heidi and I have been thinking about this one in the last few days.
SPEAKER_02Yes.
SPEAKER_00Okay, let's let's look at what a boundary might sound like for this category. I'm willing to continue this conversation when we can speak respectfully. Yeah, that's a good one. I would have to practice. I don't think I would just come up with that. No, I don't know. I'd have to practice. No, I'm like, I have to practice this one. How about this? If yelling begins, I will end the call.
SPEAKER_01And and to be honest with you, that one may not be something you say to the person. It may be something you tell yourself. Invite God to show you if that's a boundary he has for you. I know that's something in my life I've had to be really aware of what happens inside of me when there's yelling or raised voices. And it doesn't matter the reason why I hate to say this, but it's a major bungee from my past. And so I might just say, okay, you know what? I've got to go. I'll talk to you later. Bye. That may be all I say to the person if it's a phone call, or I may have to leave the room if it's in person. Anyway, so you don't always have to say, by the way, since you have this tendency to yell at me so much, right? Yeah, you don't say that necessarily.
SPEAKER_00Well, and a lot of times it's not yelling, it's just the a tone. Yes, a tone. A harsh tone. And the person would say, I'm not yelling, listen to my voice, but their voice has a harsh tone, and sometimes that's worse than yelling.
SPEAKER_01Yes, yes, I can identify that.
SPEAKER_00Okay, here's another one. Here's another state, a boundary statement. I care about you, but I cannot make this decision for you. Oh, yeah, that's really good. Um, or I'm not able to lend money. Just plain and simple. I'm not able to lend it.
SPEAKER_01It really is.
SPEAKER_00Right now, in this season and on this day, I'm not able to. Or I will not keep a secret involving danger or abuse. Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_01And you know, here's the thing. Some people want to know well, why does this make a difference to my food, eating, my body image, and all that? All of these things are things that cause us to have eroded food and eating boundaries and thinking boundaries. Because, gosh, when I'm in this place in my relationships or when my spending is out of whack and I haven't had boundaries around that, I tend to get angry with myself, frustrated with myself, or whatever, and I might end up overeating to comfort myself or overspending to comfort myself. And so I don't want to do that. Right. It all goes together, it does, it really does. Galatians. Six gives us a beautiful tension. We are told to carry one another's burdens. And we are also told that each person must carry her own load. That's an interesting juxtaposition there.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, both. Both and.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. There are burdens we help one another with, and there are responsibilities that belong to the other person. And wisdom helps us discern the difference.
SPEAKER_00So then helping is not the same as taking over, right? Supporting is not the same as rescuing. Oh, so important. Loving someone is not the same as removing every consequence of her choices.
SPEAKER_01So true. Okay, so here's
Rest Boundaries And Redefining Productivity
SPEAKER_01another one. We've talked a little bit about rest, but rest often requires a boundary because work is rarely completely finished, right?
SPEAKER_00That's so true. So true. When I'm finished, I will rest. When it's done, I will rest. Well, are you gonna rest twice a year? I mean, seriously.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, exactly. There's always gonna be another email or another thousand emails that you haven't looked at. Oh my gosh, it's gonna be another task, always another person who could use your help, or another room that could be cleaned. Oh, more dog fur to suck up with the vacuum, as in my case, or another thing that could be improved. I mean, there's just always gonna be something more that you feel you should do. And yet we are called to rest too.
SPEAKER_00Yes. The other, the other night, my husband and I were out on a drive. We got something to eat, we were gonna walk somewhere, and it was wonderful. And then he said, Are you ready to go home? And I said, No, because when we get home, there's so much to do. Ah, well, good for you for taking time away. Yeah, but I want to be able to not have that pressure. I want to be able to go home and rest there and know that rest is valuable, it's important. There's a balance there.
SPEAKER_01There is okay.
SPEAKER_00What would a rest boundary sound like? How about this one? This work is unfinished, but I'm finished for today. Yay! And that's that's good. That's good. It is. Oh, this is a good one. I am protecting this hour for quiet. Oh, I like that too. How about this one? I will not measure the value of this day only by what I accomplished.
SPEAKER_01How productive I was.
SPEAKER_00Yes. And I have to jump in here with this little story. Um, so I had Lyme disease for a lot of years, and it caused me to have to rest a lot and get done like a very small percentage of what I used to get done. And I struggled a lot with that. A lot for a long time.
SPEAKER_01You struggled a lot with that.
SPEAKER_00Yes. Heidi was by my side, and it was a lot.
SPEAKER_01Not when you laid down on the floor. No, I wasn't by your side then.
SPEAKER_00Oh, no. In spirit. Yeah. Yes. At work, I was laying down on the floor on my breaks. Yeah, it was just a really wow. Anyway, and so I had to completely reframe what a productive day looks like. A checklist, for example. I used to write myself to-do lists and that kind of thing. And so over time and lots of renewing of the mind and spending time with the Lord and lots of counsel and um best friendship, um, I realized that at the end of the day, I could write my list and look back over the day and see what I had done, which included things like gave my neighbor a hug. Or texted back that person for 15 seconds. Or, you know, just little things, unloaded half of the dishwasher. Yep. Things like that. And I was able to look back and write those out and realize, you know what, it's okay. It's okay. I don't have to write this overwhelming to-do list that I will never ever even get close to getting done and then feel bad about it at the end of the day. That was a big milestone for me. Okay, one more boundary statement. I will allow my body to sleep. Really? Sleep. I love sleep. Sleep is healing. Sleep, we need it. We need it so much. Our bodies need good, good, consistent sleep as much as possible.
SPEAKER_01Really, when you think about it, rest is an act of trust.
SPEAKER_00Yes, it is.
SPEAKER_01It declares, you know, God is God, and I am not. I'm simply not. Simply not. The world can continue without me for a while, without my constant effort. And I love this statement. I would love to say it to my friend who always wanted to know if I've had a productive day. My worth is not measured by my productivity.
SPEAKER_00Woohoo!
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
When Boundaries Become Walls
SPEAKER_00So we also need to acknowledge that not every boundary is healthy simply because we call it a boundary. That's for sure. Okay, so that's kind of that's kind of something important to mention. Sometimes fear builds a wall and names it wisdom. That's not that's not a place where we want to set boundaries, is from fear. Um, absolutely not, but we've all done it. We get that. We do get it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And and sometimes we may be tempted to use boundaries to avoid vulnerability. You know, like I'm in a Bible study with close friends of mine, and I might say, well, no, I'm not gonna talk about that here because it's not private anymore. Um, or we may use boundaries to punish someone. I mean, think about that. Ooh, that's you know, where I'm gonna tell her a thing or two, like we will not talk about X, Y, or Z. And what it's really about is me coming out, you know, all I don't know, warlike or something. I don't know. Or sometimes it's to preserve my own resentment. Oh, or if I come out with this strong statement of a boundary, it's basically to put everybody off, back off from me and don't disagree with me. This is what I believe and what I'm saying. And if you disagree, if I want your opinion, I'll give it to you. Yes. Oh, that's good. That's really good. Yeah. To avoid uncomfortable emotions, that's another, I mean, we can come off really harsh, you know. Oh, here's one. Um, you know, this these are misuses of boundaries or verbal boundaries to protect an idol. Oh, that's tricky, man.
SPEAKER_00Man, oh my goodness.
SPEAKER_01And to make sure we always get our way as another one. We don't want to go there. Is that a bad boundary? No, I'm just kidding.
SPEAKER_00No, Christina, that's good. Oh man. Um, yes. Okay, so a godly boundary may be firm, but it does not have to be contemptuous.
SPEAKER_01I remember when Michael and I had a conversation about, you know, I've always been sensitive about talking about food and eating and weight and all of that, but it was like he was not happy with me for saying the things I had said for the past, I don't know, five years or something. And so he said, You can't talk to me about food eating. It's like, what? I didn't know the sensitivity for you.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, what where did that come from?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I thought that was odd. I'll have to ask him about it now that time has passed.
SPEAKER_00Well, and here's here's a question that we might want to ask ourselves. Am I creating this boundary to respond faithfully or to control, retaliate, or avoid? Yikes. That's really that's a tough one. Uh, how about this? Does this boundary protect love and integrity or protect me from ever being inconvenienced? And this one is much easier to remember. This question, have I brought this to God? I mean, that's just an easy one, much easier to remember. Um, we can fall back on this one again and again. And one more am I willing to remain teachable?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's that's a good thing. You want to be able to say yes to that. Yeah. Um, I want to be able to say yes to that. Me too. And here's the thing about boundaries. Sometimes we're gonna have a temporary boundary, but some boundaries will remain for years. A boundary that is wise during a season of healing may be adjusted, kind of as your strength and freedom grows. Like I remember I had a boundary of because I didn't want to stop eating Oreo milkshakes. I don't want to trigger anybody, but if I had vanilla ice cream and Oreo cookies in the house, that's what I would do. I would have for every meal, I mean, just about every meal I eat like a kid sometimes. And so I had to have a season of a boundary until I kind of grew up a little bit more of no Oreo cookies and vanilla ice cream in the house at the same time. I could have one or the other in the house and do fine, but not both. Yeah. It's important for us to remember that, like many of the things we talk about on this podcast, boundaries are tools as well. They're not our identity. No, they are not an idol for us to bow before. They're not our savior.
SPEAKER_00Definitely
Five Questions To Discern Limits
SPEAKER_00not. Okay, so here are five questions that we can bring to God when we are wondering whether a boundary is needed. So let's let's go get into this a little bit.
SPEAKER_01First, what am I trying to protect? Because that's what boundaries are for. That's what God used them for and uses them for. Is it my peace I'm trying to protect? Is it my physical well-being, my integrity, my attention, maybe recovery from an old pattern, time with God or family? Those are some examples of things I might be trying to protect. And that's a boundary is good for that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's important. Those are great things to think about. Okay, how about this one? Here's the second one. What fruit is this producing? So does this activity, relationship, or content produce peace, wisdom, gratitude, and freedom? Then yes, that's great. Or does it repeatedly produce shame, fear, obsession, resentment, or confusion? Oh, wow. That is so good to consider. Wow, good one.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and another third question to ask is what is actually mine to choose? I can't control another person's choices, their words, their emotions, or their opinion of me. I really can't. And I but I can choose my participation, my words, my availability, and my response. So those are the things that I want to be sure I cue in on or zero in on. Yeah, those are the things I want to be sure I zero in on when I'm making a boundary.
SPEAKER_00Okay, here's the fourth one. What am I saying yes to through this no? Ooh. Yeah. Perhaps I'm saying no to diet reels because I'm saying yes to body peace. Oh, I love that. No to another commitment because I'm saying yes to rest that I really need. Or no to a disrespectful conversation because I'm saying yes to dignity and truth.
SPEAKER_01Oh, wow. That's good. That's really good. Fifth, can I hold this boundary with grace? You know, Jesus came with truth and grace. Some of us were all about the boundary and the truth that you need to respect my boundary. Yes. But we want to hold it with grace. Can I communicate this boundary without contempt? Can I remain teachable? And, you know, my boundary may need to change at some point, and I need to be teachable enough to see that. Can I avoid turning my personal conviction into a universal rule? And another thing is um we can ask ourselves, can I look and learn if I do not hold this boundary perfectly? Because I won't. I won't hold it perfectly.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, no, we can't do anything perfectly.
Closing Prayer For Wisdom
SPEAKER_00Let's go ahead and close by praying together. What do you think, Heidi? Yeah, go for it. Lord Jesus, you are a God of wisdom, love, truth, and peace. We know that for sure. Thank you, God, for caring about every part of our lives. Show us what you've entrusted to our care. Lord, will you reveal anything to us that is mastering us, diminishing us, or repeatedly pulling our attention away from you? We need you for this, Lord. Teach us when to say yes and when to say no. Show us where the absence of a boundary is creating confusion or harm. Also, Lord, would you show us where fear, control, resentment, or avoidance may be hiding behind a boundary that we've created? Lord, we need you to keep us from using boundaries to punish others or prove ourselves righteous.
SPEAKER_01Oh, so true.
SPEAKER_00Lord, please help us communicate with honesty, humility, courage, and grace. Teach us to guard our hearts without hardening them. Teach us to love without taking responsibility for what belongs to someone else. Help us, Lord, protect time for rest, prayer, relationships, and the work that you've actually given us when we cross a boundary, Lord, and we know that we will protect us from condemnation. Help us notice, learn, renew our minds, and return. Lord Jesus, may every loving limit create more room for your presence, your freedom, and your shalom. And we pray in Jesus' name. Amen. Amen. Amen.
Thanks And Goodbye
SPEAKER_00Thanks for joining us. We are so glad that you have been here today. And we would love to join you to come to our next podcast episode of Revelation Within.
SPEAKER_02I prep. I forgot.
